After a weekend of Swiftie’s reading tea leaves, Taylor Swift announces new album at Grammys

Mother has gone and mothered on us again. That’s so mother.

After a weekend of Swiftie’s reading tea leaves, Taylor Swift announces new album at Grammys
Taylor Swift Photo: Kevin Winter

“I want my Reputation TV!” cried the world’s children and aging Millennials. Mother has ignored your cries.

Taylor Swift will release her new album, The Tortured Poets Department, on April 19, a surprise to many expecting another album of re-recorded music. The most famous woman in the world picked up another golden gramophone at tonight’s Grammys, where she presumably sent her legions of fans into an absolute frenzy. Not that they weren’t already there. For the last 48 hours, Swifties believed that we’d see Taylor Swift do what she’s done for the last five years, releasing a re-recorded version of one of her many critically acclaimed and chart-topping albums. That was not the case. Brace yourself, world, for a new collection of Swift bangers.

After getting a lead in from U2 at the Sphere, where the band delighted viewers at home with a fresh case of vertigo without playing a lick “Vertigo,” Swift announced the Tortured Poets while picking up a win for Best Pop Vocal Album for Midnights.

News of an incoming album or even a Taylor’s Version probably shouldn’t constitute as an all-hands-on-deck emergency, but nothing about the universe’s most famous woman is simple. Just as her relationship with a star football player has sent American conservatism into a tailspin, Taylor Swift’s releasing new music now qualifies as a culture-shifting event. Go on any of the cratering social media websites and find “REP TV” trending in between weirdos, using AI to put clothes on scantily clad women, perverts posting AI porn of Taylor Swift, and crypto-fascists trying to make eugenics the next AI. So anyone hoping that this whole Taylor Swift thing might calm down soon, get ready for another era.

 
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