Despite a disappointing (for everyone, really) Super Tuesday that saw him lose most states to Donald Drumpf, Ted Cruz is still in the race to be the Republican nominee for president. He’s tried showing off how cool he is by doing horrendous Simpsons impressions, referencing The Princess Bride a bunch, and inadvertently employing softcore porn actresses for his campaign ads. But now his bid for Commander In Chief may finally get the kickstart it needs with a new video that reveals his love of eating hair, his tendency to break into nonsense songs, and his lingering doubts over the paternity of his children.
The new video comes courtesy of Bad Lip Reading who, after taking on the NFL, zombie hordes, and the Empire, has apparently decided to truly wade into the heart of darkness by using his “skills” on the senator from Texas. Cruz espouses many shocking ideas in this video—culled from various campaign videos and those hours of unedited footage that his campaign posted online for Super PACs to use—and even tries out a few new, completely nonsensical campaign slogans. Perhaps this video is what will finally push Cruz into the forefront of the Republican race, and the country one step closer to having a leader that may (or may not) be a sex-induced phantasm.