Ted Nugent and Frank Stallone are fighting hard for the prestigious "Shittiest Parkland take from an irrelevant musician" prize
Two titans of music—specifically, music that most people don’t care about much anymore—faced off in the political arena this weekend, with gun-loving “Wango Tango” proponent Ted Nugent, and Sylvester’s brother/Norm Macdonald punchline Frank Stallone, both offering up their attempts at the shittiest, most retrograde take on the political activism of teenagers Emma Gonzalez, David Hogg, and the survivors of the Parkland school shooting.
Nugent—speaking on conservative talk radio—gets points for going first, and for getting histrionically religious on the topic of kids who don’t like it when their friends get shot:
To attack the good law-abiding families of America when well known predictable murderers commit these horrors is deep in the category of soulless. These poor children, I’m afraid to say this and it hurts me to say this, but the evidence is irrefutable, they have no soul…These children can’t be critical of any of the propaganda that they’re fed and that’s just sad.
Stallone, meanwhile, gets credit for getting unnecessarily specific in his personal attacks on, ya know, children, naming both Hogg and Gonzalez by name on Twitter:
This David Hogg pussy is getting a little too big for his britches. I’m sure someone from his age group is dying to sucker punch this rich little bitch. Watch him run home like the coward he is. He’s the worst rep for today’s youth headline grabbing punk.
And:
Emma Gonzalez is another headline grabbing clown. She thinks she it she ain’t shit.
Now, we here at the judging commission for the Shitty Take Awards do have to take into account that Stallone quickly deleted his tweets and then protected his account, presumably after realizing what sort of boycott-inducing shit he’d planted his foot firmly in. (Nugent, meanwhile, is probably bulletproof here, ironically; no one is exactly shocked when the crazy man on the NRA board says this kind of thing.)
But while this decision seems pretty firmly in Nugent’s favor, we’re still going to have to go with the ultimate deciding factor: Which ranting asshole inspired the meanest jokes from writers and famous people on Twitter? Let’s go to the tape:
Oof, that’s a close one. It’s gonna go all the way down to the Patton-off:
Call it, Norm: