If an anti-Ghostbusters revolution is fomented on Reddit and no one upvotes it, are women actually funny? That’s more of a hypothetical sort of question, but the first part, at least, is based in reality. Yesterday, Reddit user Better_Butter321 proposed this bit of social-media subterfuge:
No one upvoted it, though, suggesting that maybe, like the “Bernie Bro,” the so-called “Ghostbro” movement is nothing more than a few really loud assholes freaking out about a dog whistle only they can hear, making everyone else look bad in the process. But boy, are these assholes loud. Case in point: This beautiful gem, posted to the forums at Blu-ray.com just this morning:
if sony released a ghostbusters movie for the fans + masses. people would not have been this upset. then this whole debacle what happened in the hospital would not have happened.
why is that so difficult to understand?
for example a wife and a husband have an argument about the new ghostbusters movie. his wife wants to see it, but he does not. so he leaves upset, steps into his car, goes to liquor store. buys alchohol. while driving drinks it and thinks why on this planet did i marry such a stupid woman! then an accident occur and he injured 4 people.
now 99% of the people will be angry at the husband for injuring 4 people. however the root of the problem was his wife + sony!
if sony created the ghostbuster movie the fans + masses wanted, husband and wife would have happily gone to the new ghostbuster movie. nobody would have been hurt.
Really, the question should be, “why on this planet did that woman marry such a stupid man who would drink himself into a suicidal stupor and then drive home instead of just letting his wife pick the damn movie for once? Relax, dude, Suicide Squad comes out in like three weeks.” (And yeah, if you check his backlog of posts, this guy is probably being sincere. Or is at least really dedicated to his character.)
Further demonstrating their dedication to this most important cause, while their fellow citizens were out in the streets this past weekend standing up for their firmly held beliefs in racial equality and justice, hundreds of people stood up for their firmly held belief in getting all worked up about the purity of nostalgia-based entertainment all of a sudden by rating the new Ghostbusters movie one star on IMDB. (Note that the lowest average rating was from males aged 30-44.) History will surely look kindly upon their efforts.
All that being said, if you want a really long explanation as to what “ruined my childhood” actually means, Reddit can help you with that. See you next controversy, kids!
PS: If anyone in the Illuminati is reading this, Newswire hasn’t gotten its pro-Ghostbusters propaganda check this month—or any month, actually. We’ll assume this was an oversight, and accept payment in the form of a seafood tower and solid-gold flasks full of Boundary Oak Bottle No.1. Or maybe a nice Edible Arrangement and a bottle of Old Grand-Dad. We’re not picky.
[via @adamhopelies, @devincf, Metro Entertainment, r/SubredditDrama]