If you're an adult who owns a Segway, first off, congratulations. Clearly you're a doer not a talker. You make your own destiny, and then steer it all over the neighborhood at 10 miles per hour. You spent your whole childhood thinking, "When I grow up, I am going to make enough money to buy a hoverboard!" And when you reached adulthood and found that there still weren't any hoverboards available, you saw the Segway and thought, "Whatever. That'll do. I'll take two: one for the week and one for the weekend." Everyone is very impressed. When you're out cruising around on your Segway, the shouts of "Hey, Paul Blart!" from passersby don't even bother you because, for one thing, America loves Paul Blart, and more importantly you could buy and sell those passersby. After all, you spent $5000-$8000 on a scooter. Who's Paul Blart now?
But is there an easier way to telegraph your unending wealth to the masses? I'm glad you asked. Behold, the Chanel Segway:
(via Luxist)
Not only is the Chanel Segway as ridiculous, tacky, and unneccessary as gold-plated gold, but it's also basically the script for Paul Blart 2: Battle Of The Mall Cops. Picture it (quickly, before the nausea sets in): Blart must team up with his archenemy, Francois P. Jarnet (aka Adam Sandler with a handlebar mustache and French accent) the snooty, Chanel-Segway-riding security officer from the fancy upscale mall on the other side of town, to take down a team of mall bandits. Chanel just made the best joke in that movie.