The Critics' Choice Awards just couldn't choose between Breaking Bad and Game Of Thrones

Only a day after politely tolerating the halting stammers of their pale, bedraggled brethren in the Television Critics Association, the Broadcast Television Journalists Association strode confidently into the Beverly Hilton Hotel last night and named the winners of the third annual Critics’ Choice Awards through blazingly whitened teeth and with a polished lack of sibilance. And—much like appending the word “Choice” symbolizes an egalitarian openness to things, whether it’s affordable coffee or which child you want murdered by Nazis—the Critics’ Choice left several categories to ties. Are you forever unable to decide whether Breaking Bad or Game Of Thrones is the best drama series on TV? So is the Broadcast Television Journalists Association, and just like you, they smiled and acknowledged there’s no sense in arguing about it, before throwing it back to Tom with the weather.

No such indecisiveness when it came to Louis C.K., Bryan Cranston, and Archer, who were all determined to have remained the best at what they do for the second year in a row. The Critics’ Choice also once again recognized an outstanding Parks And Recreation guest spot—this time Patton Oswalt’s epic Star Wars filibuster—and awarded The Voice best competition series, and it remained one of the few critical bodies to acknowledge the existence of Southland with a win for Michael Cudlitz.

And yet, it also demonstrated its continued interest in shaking things up year to year by completely snubbing 2012 winners Modern Family, Homeland, and Mad Men, and instead honoring different shows and actors like Veep’s Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Orphan Black’s Tatiana Maslany, Parenthood’s Monica Potter, The Newsroom’s Jane Fonda, Top Of The Lake’s Elisabeth Moss, and American Horror Story’s Zachary Quinto and Sarah Paulson. It also went with The Big Bang Theory as the best comedy series on TV, which is also… different.

However, in its effort to be so all-inclusive, the Critics’ Choice made a purely unconscionable decision in allowing a tie to stand between Duck Dynasty and Push Girls, clearly too spineless to declare which show is the best reality series. Have we really seen such a decline in broadcast journalistic standard that the supposed Fourth Estate is too craven, too fearful of reprisal to take a stand and say, “A show about women in wheelchairs is more crucial to America than men shooting ducks”—or even vice versa? Why, Walter Cronkite would have looked the nation dead in the face and told us the hard truth, no matter how unpopular, so that we might know. Today we are all weaker for this act of cowardly equivocation.

The complete list of winners is below; here's the list of nominees for comparison.

BEST DRAMA SERIES (tie)
Breaking Bad
Game Of Thrones

BEST ACTOR IN A DRAMA SERIES
Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad

BEST ACTRESS IN A DRAMA SERIES
Tatiana Maslany, Orphan Black

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A DRAMA SERIES
Michael Cudlitz, Southland

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A DRAMA SERIES
Monica Potter, Parenthood

BEST GUEST PERFORMER IN A DRAMA SERIES
Jane Fonda, The Newsroom

BEST COMEDY SERIES
The Big Bang Theory

BEST ACTOR IN A COMEDY SERIES
Louis C.K., Louie

BEST ACTRESS IN A COMEDY SERIES
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A COMEDY SERIES
Simon Helberg, The Big Bang Theory

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A COMEDY (tie)
Kaley Cuoco, The Big Bang Theory
Eden Sher, The Middle

BEST GUEST PERFORMER IN A COMEDY SERIES
Patton Oswalt, Parks And Recreation

BEST MOVIE OR MINISERIES
Behind The Candelabra

BEST ACTOR IN A MOVIE OR MINISERIES
Michael Douglas, Behind The Candelabra

BEST ACTRESS IN A MOVIE OR MINISERIES
Elisabeth Moss, Top Of The Lake

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A MOVIE OR MINISERIES
Zachary Quinto, American Horror Story: Asylum

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A MOVIE OR MINISERIES
Sarah Paulson, American Horror Story: Asylum

BEST REALITY SERIES (tie)
Duck Dynasty

Push Girls

BEST REALITY SERIES — COMPETITION
The Voice

BEST REALITY HOST
Tom Bergeron, Dancing With The Stars

BEST TALK SHOW
The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

BEST ANIMATED SERIES
Archer