The Daily Show and The Colbert Report bring the election results you actually want to hear

Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Tuesday, November 6, 2012. All times are Eastern.

TOP PICK

The Daily Show/The Colbert Report (Comedy Central, 11 p.m.): While U.S. citizens spend the day deciding who’ll take the blame for everything that goes wrong in the next four years (and who’ll get to claim a tiny piece of credit for anything that should happen to go right), teams of dedicated people will work tirelessly to compile numbers, gather quotes from top sources, and synthesize a year-plus of contradictory statements into montages of humorously juxtaposed sound bites. The true heroes of any Election Day are the people who volunteer their time to make sure the democratic process runs smoothly (and without any funny business)—but they narrowly beat out the casts and crews of The Daily Show and The Colbert Report, who will provide a cutting, incisive distraction from the fact that this nation is going down the tubes. The goddamn tubes!

Sons Of Anarchy (FX, 10 p.m.): A presidential election is one of those events that tends to put most of television on hold—but the Sons Of Anarchy aren’t going to be told what to do by a bunch of suits in Washington. While no one was looking, Zack Handlen rigged a vote and elected himself mayor of Charming, Calif.

Underemployed (MTV, 10 p.m): And it’s appropriate that this is the only other TV Club show airing tonight, seeing as its characters’ inability to find fulfilling employment is—depending on whom you gave your vote today—poor economic policy or the insane avarice of those controlling the private sector. Farihah Zaman didn’t come here to debate—she just came to review an episode where the kids make a regular, parent-funded pilgrimage to a fictional Medieval Times stand-in.

2012 Election Day coverage (multiple networks, 6 p.m.): You can wait to hear Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert’s takes on the day’s events, or you can watch the political theater throw open its doors to every pundit, pollster, and hologram looking for a stage. (The A.V. Club is still determining if we’ll provide any sort of overarching coverage of the election coverage. When we know, you’ll know.)

WWE Smackdown (Syfy, 8 p.m.): If this installment of Smackdown ends without a fake Barack Obama facing an ersatz Mitt Romney in the squared circle, what is professional wrestling even for?

The Men Who Built America (History, 9 p.m.): Spoiler alert: They finish building it!

Full House (Nickelodeon, 9:30 p.m.): Meanwhile, a shelter for people who really, really can’t take any more election coverage surfaces right around the time much of the Eastern and Middle United States will be reporting their results: An extremely Full House-y Full House where Michelle buys a donkey with lemonade-stand money. Unless that donkey’s an allusion to the Democratic Party…

Takers (FX, 7:30 p.m.): What, is this a documentary about the people on the ballot? (Hahahahahahahahahaha ohgodmakeitstop.)

American Graffiti (Encore, 9:35 p.m.): Or, “Where Romney voters will seek solace if things aren’t looking good for their candidate—before realizing the specter of Vietnam lurks at every edge of the film’s early 1960s nostalgia.”

College Football: Ball State at Toledo (ESPN2, 8 p.m.): The Cardinals travel to the battleground state of Ohio, where a win could shake up the Mid-American Conference standings—though not to the degree that a win in Ohio will affect the presidential election.

Witness: Phil Dyess-Nugent reports from the frontline (a.k.a. a cozy spot on his couch) for this Michael Mann-produced HBO doc about the photojournalists reporting from actual frontlines and battlegrounds.