Of the many uncertainties that flap around inside these fragile human vessels of meat and bone like tiny, anxiety-inducing butterflies, at least one has been resolved: Vince is totally doing the movie. That would be the Entourage movie, which was not chill for a little while but is now fucking getting it done with its first official teaser trailer.
And while Turtle has lost some weight since the last time we saw him (weight he probably lost by sucking a million dicks, right guys?) some things will never change, like Ari being a total puss whose wife makes him go to therapy and probably keeps his dick in her purse, which is why he has to punch things all the time. Then there’s the stunt casting, which does not include Leonardo DiCaprio or Kate Upton—at least not in this trailer—but does include Billy Bob Thornton and Haley Joel Osment, which is fine, if underwhelming in the titty department.
That’s not to say that this trailer is devoid of sexy women, another key element of any Entourage episode/movie. For starters, we’ve got the lady from the Blurred Lines video, Nina Agdal as the most attractive bikini babe on a yacht full of bikini babes, and MMA fighter Ronda Rousey, who throws stuff at our boys’ Caddy because bitches be crazy. Plus, Mark Wahlberg wears a T-shirt advertising his brand of whey protein. Sick product placement, bro:
So while we may not know when or how we will die or for what purpose we live at all, we do know that Ferraris still kick ass. Sleep easy tonight, Internet.