The Golden Globes: Winners, Losers, and Other Made-Up Stuff

As heroically exposed in an earlier post to this very blog, The Golden Globes (airing tonight on NBC) are a corrupt awards show put on by a sham organization, of whom Yola (of www.yola.stopklatka.pl fame) is a typical member.

But, like, who do you think is gonna win?

Here's a short run-down of some of the most contentious categories:

Most likely to embarrassingly channel a dead legend during their overwrought acceptance speech: Joaquin Phoenix when he wins Best Actor In a Musical or Comedy for Walk The Line. Dead legend most likely to be impersonated: Johnny Cash (or Ray Charles again, if Jamie "I am Ray Charles" Foxx is allowed anywhere near a microphone). Best loser's reaction shot: the four-way split screen of Desperate Housewives' Marcia Cross, Felicity Huffman, Eva Longoria, and Teri Hatcher when Weeds' Mary Louise Parker wins the Best Actress in A Television Series––Musical Or Comedy

Most likely to use a character's catch-phrase onstage during his acceptance speech for playing that character: the oily Jeremy Piven when he wins Best Supporting Actor in A Television Series for his portrayal of the oily agent Ari on Entourage.

And, everyone's favorite category when it comes to watching the Golden Globes, Most Visibly Drunk: Lindsay Lohan, depending how early in the night she's presenting. Runners-up include: the cast of Will & Grace (drinking away the last moments that anyone will care about them) and Emma Thompson (I have nothing to back this up. She just seems like a boozer).

Any other predictions?