I've been searching for it for a long time, but Star (the magazine responsible for The Greatest Judgmental Tabloid Headline Ever) has finally risen to the occasion and given us a headline that goes beyond mere judgmental criticism, past all sense of decency or intelligence, and finally comes to rest in a kind of perfect tawdriness. It's the greatest tabloid headline of all time.
Brace yourself, and take a look:
(Thanks to
Popbytes for the image)
In case the screaming yellow type hurts your eyes, it reads:
"Demi's Knees: OMG! She Finally Had Them Lifted!"
It's so perfectly stupid it's almost beautiful.
The thing that pushed this headline over into greatness was not the earnest use of "OMG!" in the headline, or even the arrows directing you to the precise points of Demi's knees that you should find offensive or beautiful. No, the word that made this headline great was "finally"––After years of horrifying anyone with a camera with the sight of her hideous knees, after years of flaunting her less-than desirable joints in our faces, after months of disappointing editorial meetings at the offices of Star (Editor 1: Has Demi had her knees lifted yet? Editor 2: [sighs] No, not yet. But there's still hope…), Demi bowed to the mounting pressure and finally, finally had her knees lifted.
This is why parodying Star will never work. They seem to be doing it so well on their own.