Each May, New York plays host to the TV upfronts, a week-long attempted courtship of advertisers and the media by the five television networks (NBC, ABC, CBS, FOX, and, yes, the CW). The networks put on their best suits, haul out their brightest stars, serve their most shrimp-filled shrimp cocktails, and stage giant presentations, all in an effort to woo potential ad buyers to their upcoming fall schedules.
And if The TV Set is to be believed, there is also a high probability for giant ice sculptures.
This year, for the first time, I will be attending some (i.e., two) of the upfronts–so you don't have to! (Also, you can't, unless you're, say, a marketing guy from Colgate who wants to integrate your new whitening toothpaste into NBC's Bionic Woman.)
Yesterday I went to NBC's presentation at Radio City Music Hall. Overall, it was like a massive, slick Tony Robbins seminar, with the president of NBC Entertainment (Kevin Reilly) as Tony, many buzzwords (like "bulk-up," and "upscale") flashing on multiple screens, and at least one dramatic use of a smoke machine (when the cast of Heroes materialized on stage).
After the presentation there was a party in the middle of Rockefeller Center, and while there were no peacock ice sculptures in sight, there were areas called "Star Stations," or, more accurately, "TV star zoos," where people could stand around staring at and taking pictures of the cast of The Office or Heroes. Ah, the magic of television!
Anyway, here's a small sample of what I learned from all the flashing screens at the presentation:
—According to Reilly, NBC "has the class" and now they're "going for the mass." Translation: "We're going to get better ratings, I swear." But the "mass" part also refers to NBC's bulking up of popular shows: Reilly said that in the 2007-2008 season there would be "30 half-hours of The Office including 5 hour-long episodes," which means not only has NBC decided to give the public more Office, they've also figured out a way to bend the boundaries of time itself!
—Heroes is going to spawn 6 hours of a "mini-franchise" called Origins that will introduce new characters the public can vote to keep. Voting! It's like American Idol! Or something!
—NBC really, really likes Heroes. So much so that four of their five new scripted series (Journeyman, aka Selfish, Accidental Quantum Leap, Chuck, aka My Name Is Earl but with nerds and dimwitted government asassins instead of rednecks, Life, aka Quirky Cop Cares And Kicks Butt, and Bionic Woman, aka Bionic Woman) are action series, and three of those four are sci-fi. (More info on the schedule here.)
—The Lipstick Jungle trailer contains more leopard print than the Serengeti.
—NBC is really, really trying to build an audience for Friday Night Lights. That's why they're moving it to Friday night at 10pm, which is the one time of week when all of America watches television.
—Forget what the commercials may have indicated. Scrubs is, inexplicably, back for another season. Which I think makes it the world's first zombie sitcom.
—The unscripted programs NBC has in store for us all exist right on the line between actual reality show and Mad TV parody of reality show. They include: Baby Borrowers, in which teenage couples are given infants, tweens, and old people to take care of in order to learn some kind of lesson; World Moves, which combines Stomp The Yard and American Idol–finally; and Age Of Love, which is like The Bachelor: Old Vs. Young. The trailer for this show included the phrase "Will he choose a kitten or a cougar?" and a loud meowing noise. Basically, it's the closest thing to Slut Wars I've ever seen.
—Least effective sales pitch: About Chuck Reilly said, "[Chuck] is funny, relatable, and the ladies tell me he's geek-o-licious." Exactly which lady said that?
—My Name Is Earl, 30 Rock, The Office, and Scrubs are the "most upscale shows on television." Good to know.
Next up: Fox