Yesterday, the Fox upfront began with a little 24 video involving Keifer Sutherland, some wires, an intense phone conversation with the President (of Fox Entertainment–get it?), and the words "The following takes place between 4pm and 5pm."
And by making their upfront presentation a bare-bones affair–only one Sanjaya joke, no speeches from "creatives," and apparently a very strict walk-across-the-stage-as-quickly-as-possible, and-then-get-the-hell-off policy for the cast members of all the shows they announced–Fox pretty much stuck to that timetable. If NBC's presentation was a sleeker version of a Tony Robbins seminar, this upfront was a basically a giant powerpoint presentation set on a mini American Idol stage. They even had a pie chart. Which was thrilling.
Anyway, here's what I learned over the course of that hour:
—Carrie Fisher looks uncomfortable when yielding to a strict walk-across-the-stage-as-quickly-as-possible-and-then-get-the-hell-off policy.
—Inexplicably, 'Til Death is still on the air.
—Fox's three new comedies are all governed by a special kind of irony, because the two that sound really promising and funny on paper (Amy Sherman-Palladino's The Return Of Jezebel James starring Parker Posey, and The Farrelly Brothers' The Rules For Starting Over starring Rashida Jones and Craig Beirko) look really, horribly, painfully unfunny. My-date-lives-with-a-monkey!-level unfunny. But the show that sounds most annoying on paper (Back 2 You, starring Kelsey Grammer and Patricia Heaton as ex-lovers who must anchor a local TV newscast together) actually looks kind of funny. It also stars Fred Willard, which helps.
—The equation for New Amsterdam, one of Fox's new dramas, is something like: Interview With The Vampire – blood lust + the search for true love + Law & Order – Order.
—According to the producer of The Search For The Next Great American Band, "band" can mean many things: "You can be a rock band. You can be a fiddle band. You can even be an Irish Celtic band if you want." In other words, there are going to be some very long, zydeco-and-Riverdance-filled audition episodes.
—K-Ville, another new drama, looks kind of like The Wire but set in post-Katrina New Orleans–that is to say, it looks kind of promising.
—The "real" people "documented" in Nashville, an "unscripted" series from the creators of Laguna Beach, seem a lot more earnest than their MTV counterparts. In the trailer one of them said, "This is a song I wrote for my grandfather who has Alzheimer's. It's called 'I'll Remember For You.'"
—That line got more laughs than the entire Return Of Jezebel James trailer.