The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret: The Snooker Player, The Black Canadian, The Turkish Terrorist, and The Peanut

Tonight I noticed that David Cross does his own voiceover on “Previously, on The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret” and had my suspicions confirmed that the charges raised against him in the intro of each episode are slightly different.  I like this show.

In this episode, Todd heads into work, pants stinking from the previous days’ wetting.  He’s upset with Dave for setting him up with Sainsburys, warning him that he’s up to “Two solids and a half almost” of verbal warnings and is on his way to a “solid-almost.”  Dave recommends a law firm to help him with his legal issues, which will inevitably bite him on the ass.

Speaking of ass, Todd sees an ad featuring David Beckham shilling for something called “ass oil,” and decides that what Thunder Muscle needs is a celebrity endorsement. Dave promises to get him the ideal candidate.

Trying to help Alice, Todd heads out to get a liquor license, but finds out he can’t simply procure one. Then follows one of the worst televised bribery attempts in history, as Todd promises the woman at the office a Benjamin Franklin, and then goes on to try to figure out who’s on English currency: “Winston Churchill, Alfred Hitchcock. Winnie the Pooh. A bulldog.  Tiny Tony Blair.”  It doesn’t help that Todd thinks dollars are equal to pounds, a problem that comes up later with his celebrity endorsement.

With that a bust, Todd heads back to the convenience store where he gets a copy of their liquor license in exchange for them copying his passport, since the guy there is “writing a book on American passports.”

Todd heads to Alice’s cafe to bring her her new license and she’s chagrined by his t-shirt, which says “BNP: Putting English People First,” something I had to look up (they seem to be akin to a British white power movement)  But she’s happy to receive the liquor license and offers to cook him dinner—not a romantic dinner, just dinner.

At the pub, Todd meets Dave, who’s got a snooker player to endorse Thunder Muscle.  Todd attempts to negotiate with him but that goes the way his bribery does after he reveals the maximum he can offer.  Of course it turns out that Todd’s celebrity endorser is someone no one’s heard of before.

Todd heads over to Alice’s for dinner, where her handsome Canadian ex-boyfriend is also in attendance.   “I’m always hungry for whatever you’ve got,” Hudson says, and not one to be one-upped, Todd quips, “When it comes to whatever you’ve got, I’m always hungry.” Alice serves up her molecular cuisine for dinner, a gag that would almost be too ridiculous to believe if it wasn't actually a thing: I've actually eaten edible paper.  She serves up oxtail toothpaste made with pancetta gas (not ham farts). Something about the delicate, enthusiastic way Hudson brushed his teeth with it was very charming to me. I also liked the visual joke of everyone eating their plates, and Alice saying “Ready for desserts? I”ll just print it out.”

Then we got a quick cut of Dave, on a security camera sneaking some people into a building, a little hint for something to come later.

Having previously pretended that he had a nut allergy, Todd has to pretend like he’s having an allergic reaction when Alice sees him eating some chocolate-covered hazelnuts (yum, by the way) in boredom as she and Hudson catch up.  Hudson administers an Epi-Pen to him and once again Todd wreaks havoc in front of Alice. Now, I actually own an Epi-Pen and have had to administer it so I’d like you to know that when this happens you don’t go “Lalalalalaalalalala!  Rarararararara!” run all over the place and shit yourself, unless maybe I did it wrong.

The EMT’s come to help Todd out while Brent calls, saying that he’s psyched about the sales numbers and is bummed that he has to go to a boat show in Lisbon.  Finally, a serenading violinist shows up per Todd’s earlier request to “seal the deal.” So once again Todd is humiliated, doomed and has soiled himself (poo instead of pee this time, though).  Also, at this point wolves and vultures are in his apartment back home.

—“Tits sure are big here…..must be all the cheese.”

—“Ohh my papa!”

—“It’s about two  priest brothers who come to terms with their mother’s death by building a boat.”  “Is it in 3-D?”