No matter how dark and scary the world gets, Mr. Rogers has remained a constant source of comfort. Where else can we go when our country has been ravaged by idiocy and hate, when our planet is being decimated by corporate interests and greed, when America is being operated by a giant orange cartoon man with the mental capacity of a toddler and unrestrained social media access? Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood, of course. It’s always been the safest of spaces, where Fred Rogers shows us how to live with kindness and compassion. NOT ANYMORE, FUCK-FACES. Our last truly good and pure and safe space has been infiltrated by a bunch of wagging dicks. The one place where we could go and expect to exist free of dongs is now packed to the rafters with the damned things.
Those dirty birds at WoodRocket have done it again, this time desecrating the most sacred of all sacred things: Mr. Rogers. If you thought Fred Rogers was magically immune to being parodied in a porn video, then you must be living in the real land of make-believe, sister. These people have uncovered dick puns the likes of which we never thought possible. You wanna ride the trolley? TOO BAD. You’re riding the “Neighborhood Ball-ey,” and it’s shaped like BALLS. That nice old Mr. Rogers is gone, man. This house belongs to Mr. Rimjobs now, and he’s doing things very differently. That sweater is staying on. The pants are coming off. This is 2019 on the internet, and Mr. McFeely is a woman now, and her name is Mrs. DickFeely because she likes to feel dicks. Tom Hanks? More like Tom WANKS (actually this joke isn’t in the trailer, but it feels right).
If you have any childhood left to ruin, feel free to click on over to PornHub and they’ll take care of you.