After months of photos that suggested Jurassic World would be the jazziest Jurassic Park entry yet (you have to pay attention to the dinosaurs they’re not showing, man), the film has finally let slip that, yes, they do plan to have dinosaurs in their dinosaur movie. And thanks to Comic Book Movie, we can now see what man’s unchecked hubris has wrought in the form of the “D-rex”—a wholly new, entirely engineered breed the park’s scientists have created by tampering with dinosaur DNA and then, by the looks of things, applying the decals as laid out in the directions on the box.
NOTE: Universal has asked that we please remove the actual photos. In their place, I have provided its closest analogue. Please note that this is not the actual Jurassic World “D-rex,” a dinosaur that we definitely don’t want to ruin for you before the movie opens, even in Lego form. Even if we were to tell you it’s a sort of eggshell color would be too much. You wouldn’t want to have something like that spoiled.
Anyway, it’s sort of like this, but definitely not exactly this:
Again, that is not the actual Lego D-Rex—or anything else that infringes on intellectual property—but rather the very ordinary T-rex. And no one cares about the T-rex anymore, because they have the D-rex now. The D-rex is something that should—and now will—remain a surprise.
And now, back to the jokey bullshit:
Fortunately, this new D-Rex looks to be much smaller and less articulated than the usual dinosaurs of Jurassic Park, suggesting that those same scientists have finally learned the lessons of the past. Whereas before a rampaging T-rex could take dozens of lives and cause untold amounts of damage, the D-rex really only threatens those who have the misfortune to step on him. It’s presumed that Pratt, using the experience he gleaned from The Lego Movie, will be charged with preventing that, as well as making sure scientists don’t leave him on the goddamn stairs again.
For those who have long since tired of slick CGI, this return to practical effects from director Colin Trevorrow should prove refreshing. And for those who found the original Jurassic Park dinosaurs a tad too terrifying, this new D-rex is a step in the right direction. Why, you could probably just kick this little guy apart, or maybe stick some wings on him and turn him into a dinosaur spaceship. Indeed, you were so preoccupied with whether or not you could make him into a dinosaur spaceship that you never stopped to think if you should—because obviously, you should.
Anyway, if you want to play God at home, you can buy your own D-rex Lego sets pretty soon.