The Oscars are sort of like America’s yearly junior prom, in that we always make a huge deal about the show, and then the next day talk about how disappointing the whole thing was and think of ways to maybe make it better next year. But don’t worry, because this year the people behind the Oscars have a foolproof plan to make them great: Entertainment Weekly reports the 2016 telecast will feature two hosts, because history never, ever repeats itself, meaning this plan will go perfectly.
David Hill, a former Fox executive, and Reginald Hudlin, former entertainment president of BET, are producing this year’s show, and presumably have no excuse for not knowing how the Anne Hathaway-James Franco experiment went. Hell, being partnered up as hosts even neutered Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin, so what hope does anybody else have?
Well, there’s a very simple reason the producers are betting on the third time being the charm: They already have a well-known pair in mind. Unfortunately, they aren’t sharing the names, in case this well-known pair wisely says no. Smart money would be on Amy Poehler and Tina Fey, given their much-lauded efforts hosting the Golden Globes, but who already said they have no interest in hosting the Oscars. Another strong possibility is Jordan Peele and Keegan-Michael Key, who are very funny, and would also bring some much-needed diversity to what last year’s host Neil Patrick Harris called a ceremony honoring “Hollywood’s best and whitest—sorry, brightest.”
But we have some other suggestions for hosts who would liven up the often endless-seeming festivities. May The A.V. Club humbly recommend:
1. Scholar and PBS host Henry Louis Gates Jr. and Police Sergeant James Crowley
2. Two of the Duggars—really, just any of them together would be exciting
3. Donald Trump and Megyn Kelly
4. A panda bear and an otter, how goddamn adorable would that be
5. The best duo of all: The exhumed corpses of George Burns and Gracie Allen
Feel free to offer your own suggestions in the comments, as we suspect Hill and Hudlin will soon be turning to us for advice, once their desired choices remember that hosting the Oscars is an utterly thankless task, and refuse.