The Point Break remake knows you want Gerard Butler so bad it's like acid in your mouth

Since 2011, we have been catching the tasty wave that is the Point Break remake—a wave that is also a metaphor for the inexorable sweep of history’s tide and the men who dare to ride atop it spouting quasi-Zen koans, as updated for the extreme sports world of the 21st century. Now the little hand says it’s time to choose a new Patrick Swayze, one who can lead director/super-fast processor Ericson Core in this skydiving game of chicken that is remaking a movie so perfectly of its era, and so perfectly, irreplaceably dumb. And according to The Hollywood Reporter, it’s meat waffle Gerard Butler, who’s said to be in "final negotiations" to play the character whose name is still “Bodhi,” because Patrick Swayze is dead and can’t say anything about it.

No doubt summoned out of thin, musky air by the mere utterance of the words “extreme sports movie,” Butler will draw on his experience in the surfing drama Chasing Mavericks—as well the approximately half-dozen other Gerard Butler-plus-sports equipment movies he’s taken on of late—to assume the role of the philosophical, extreme sports-loving criminal, who becomes both the target and the man-crush of FBI agent Johnny Utah. That role has yet to be filled, contingent on producers finding an actor who can replicate Keanu Reeves’ befuddled charisma, such as someone who’s just emerged from oral surgery.