If you live in the universe, or if you watch daytime television at all, you've probably been feeling a lot of vibrations lately–well, definitely more vibrations than usual. Why? Because The Secret is the #1 best-selling DVD on Amazon right now as well as the #1 advice book on The New York Times best-sellers list, and Oprah-watchers everywhere have been beaming their positive vibes out into the air like a bunch of dumb tuning forks that have just been struck against a table piled high with bullshit.
For the uninitiated (read: normal), allow me to explain. The Secret is a wildly popular book and DVD that basically says the universe is ruled by the law of attraction. Therefore, if you think about good things, those things will be drawn to you like flies to a pile of manure (or a book and DVD filled with manure that Oprah will spend two hours talking about). There's also some stuff about vibrations and magnets and money. (More on The Secret and how it can help you discover new ways of looking at the FedEx logo, here.)
Well, call me crazy, but I think that there may be something to this secret. See, I put The Secret on the Tolerability Index this week, and then this morning on Lifetime I saw an episode of The Golden Girls where Rose gets suckered into a bullshit "Power of Positive Thinking" course. Coincidence? Yes! But not according to The Secret. It's like I'm attracting stories of stupid self-help seminars! (Also, apparently my thoughts control Lifetime.) What other explanation could there be?
But that's not all. When I arrived at the office today, a copy of The Secret DVD was on my desk! And even though there was a post-it note from my co-worker on the cover, I know that it was the universe that gave me this DVD. I attracted it. And now I feel that it is my challenge to watch it sometime this weekend, and report back.
So, how many times will the words "magnet," "visualize," and "universe" be used? Which inspirational story will be the most annoying? Will I be able to withstand hours upon hours of whispering? Can I steel myself from the flood of vibrations that are sure to emanate from my television? All these questions and more will be answered Monday.
Below you'll find a small, horrible taste of what I'm in for (Beware: it involves dubious amounts of quills, parchment, and cursive):