Oh, those Jersey Shore kids. They're like modern-day Dennis The Menaces. (Fun fact: if Dennis The Menace were a real person and alive today, his name would be DJ Menace D, he'd tan himself to the color of canned pumpkin, and he'd carry around a spray bottle of Body Heat instead of a slingshot.) They're just loveable scamps. When they're not holding press conferences at clubs in Long Island in the middle of the day "reguarding" their security issues, or selling droopy tops that look like full-body sobs, they're just out there in the world searching for their missing cheeseballs and trademarking the nickname they gave their abs.
According to The Smoking Gun, Mike "The Situation" has filed with the US patent office to trademark the phrase "The Situation." Why? Because he wants to put the nickname for his abdominal muscles on various items of clothing, thus making widespread sartorial stupidity the situation. And, shockingly, there's a competition situation regarding "The Situation." Apparently, another New Jersey man has already filed to trademark the phrase so he can print it on all the blousons, pantaloons, and gussets across this fair nation.
From The Smoking Gun, here are some of the items of clothing that may soon become walking billboards for the missing cheeseball situation:
Belts; Belts for clothing; Blousons; Cravats; Dungarees; Pantaloons; Pants; Parts of clothing, namely, gussets for tights, gussets for stockings, gussets for bathing suits, gussets for underwear, gussets for leotards, and gussets for footlets; Top coats; Topcoats
The Situation is obviously gussets. And, really, what two words would look better silkscreened on the crotch of a leotard?
To think, this time last year Mike Sorrentino was just another down-on-his-luck guy trying to make his abs' dream come true: dragging them to casting call after miserable casting call; living with them in a dingy studio in NYC where the lights of Broadway were so close and yet so far; watching them crumble with each rejection. But he made a promise to them every night as he spritzed them Newman's Own Basalmic Breeze Salad Mist (it really enhances a tan) right before bed: "Don't worry," he'd whisper to his abs, "One day everyone will know your name." And soon, everyone will. Well, everyone who wears pantaloons.