The Toxic Avenger will be hideously mutated into an environmentally conscious, family-friendly PG-13 comedy

Hot Tub Time Machine director Steve Pink will helm a remake of the seminal Troma film/USA Up All Night staple The Toxic Avenger, proving that there is no project so pointedly idiosyncratic that it can’t be rehashed for a broader audience. In this upcoming iteration, Toxie will be recast as “a green superhero for these environmentally conscious times” as opposed to a guy who goes around killing drug dealers by crushing them with weight machines and shoving milkshake blenders down their throats. That sort of stuff, along with the boobs, obviously won’t fly in this new, “family-friendly PG-13 action-comedy akin to The Mask” to be produced by Akiva Goldsman. You know what? Let’s just stop there. No good can come from talking about this further. What are you guys up to this weekend? I'm seeing "Weird Al" Yankovic tonight.