Here in the United States Of America, we love our TV commercials the same way we love our eagles, blue jeans, and tiny flags made in China, but even though they seem like a uniquely capitalist treat, it turns out that the Soviet Union also had TV commercials. In fact, internet people recently uncovered a video of what is supposedly the first commercial ever shown on Russian TV, and—bozhe moi—it’s pretty freakin’ weird. According to ILoveRussia.ir, the commercial dates back to 1964, and it was made to “promote consumption of corn.”
The ad (though it’s more of a PSA) primarily revolves around a chef singing about how great Russian food is, but things take a distinctly Wet Hot American Summer-esque turn when a group of talking cans enter his kitchen and suggest that he starts serving more corn. Basically, it’s the sort of thing that you wouldn’t be surprised to see airing on Adult Swim after midnight:
If your Russian is a little rusty, a Reddit user named “amer_amer” translated the song:
If you would like to be healthy,
fed for a hundred years,
ask with a kind word
at restaurants and cafeterias
(and) recieve dinner
wait, sit down, don’t rush
wait… (and) recieve dinner.
Chef: where are you from?
Corn: (unintelligible)… We were grown in azerbaijan, in a southern warm country, in the virgin lands of kasakhstan.
Chef: understood. so what do you want?
Corn: we want to get on the menu.
Chef: i’m sorry, and i’m not kicking you out, but i’m not changing the menu.
(The dishes start sliding)
And the salads, and the soups, and (dishes) made from maize groats,
and with sugar: porridge, pudding and cakes,
and appetizers and garnish.
Peace for all (i think).
What a dish, absolutely spectacular!
Every day will be prepared!
Chef: and let me tell you something, all these dished can be made easily by any hostess (as in housewife).
Doesn’t it just make you want to eat some delicious corn-based meals and denounce the evils of capitalism? Those eagles and blue jeans are overrated anyway.