Is there any way we can eliminate the existence of February 14th next year? Maybe we can bend time, or open up a wormhole on February 13th that swallows the following 24 hours, or, more simply, maybe we can all petition the calendar industry from including February 14th in all 2010 calendars? We have to do something, because February 14th is fast approaching, and with it comes the heart-shaped mylar balloon filled with ughs that is Valentine's Day, aka Julia Roberts (and half of Hollywood) Star In Love Is Nice!
If you have to use the tinny modulations of Fergie and Wil.i.am's voices in order to convey a sense of excitement, or movement, or action in your movie's trailer, then nothing happens in your movie. Fact.
Julia Roberts talks to a guy on a plane! Anne Hathaway takes a polaroid of Topher Grace! Jessica Alba has a dog and loneliness! Ashton Kutcher spews some bullshit! Jennifer Garner playfully throws some apples at the Hairstyle from Grey's Anatomy! Jamie Foxx is a reporter! Jessica Biel is literally the worst comic actress you've ever had the displeasure of watching! Do these exclamation points convince you about the treasure-trove of excitement in this film just waiting to be unleashed on the public like so many spores of devastating black mold?