The Walking Dead’s latest stop-gap, Negan, is basically a Rob Zombie character dialed down for cable TV—he huffs and he puffs and he barks some of the most cringeworthy dialogue on television in a Yosemite Sam accent. This latest episode, for example, found the bad man asking a character if they had their “shittin’ pants on” because, gasp, they were “going to shit their pants.” In his review of Sunday’s eighth season premiere, our own Zack Handlen lamented the character thusly: “It’s hard to feel anything but pity for Jeffrey Dean Morgan at this point. I’m sure he’s well paid, but there’s not enough money in the world to make that ‘shittin’ pants’ dialogue worth regurgitating. (I mean, there is, but I doubt he’s making it.)”
Well, that might change if he’s offered a cut of the profits from the show’s latest marketing stunt. Yep, they’re selling Negan’s Own Shittin’ Pants, a six-pack of adult diapers that are, according to the packaging, “the top rated diapers in Pee-Pee Pants City.” As their name suggests, these are not standard shittin’ pants, but the ones preferred by Negan, a vicious sociopath who apparently walks around in diapers.
In a bit of copy that drastically overestimates how scary the character is, the diapers also tout that they’re “perfect for those moments when Negan literally scares the shit out of you.” They’re also “Lucille approved,” “guaranteed to shut that shit down,” and “not intended for walkers!” because illogical, relentless references to the show are the only thing that will sell a product that no one in their right mind would use for its intended purpose when Depends are still a thing.
You can get them on The Walking Dead’s online shop for $19.95, though we’d advise you to save your money for a more worthy purchase. You know, like this $43 barbed wire baseball bat.