There are certain questions that will never have satisfactory answers. Questions like: What is the meaning of life? Why do people obsess over Dancing With The Stars? and Why does every single thing ever written about Grey's Anatomy have to contain at least two words with a "Mc" prefix?
But now, finally, after a long, spirited, and completely disgusting debate, one of those many unanswerable questions has finally been put to rest, namely, What, exactly, is Fergie's 'London Bridge'?
Thanks to
femalefirst.co.uk (a reputable source if I've ever seen one) we now have an answer. Evidently, it's some kind of orgy thingy:
Black Eyed Peas singer Fergie's new song is about four-in-a-bed sex.
The pop babe recently released her first solo single 'London Bridge' and after hinting it was about a bedroom activity the racy topic of the track has now been revealed.
The song, which is included on her debut solo album 'The Dutchess', refers to when two women and two men have sex and form a position to make a 'bridge'.
Oh, sure, that London Bridge! And here I thought it was something that she made up. But I guess she must know what she's talking about, right?
Despite writing about the racy subject, Fergie insists she has never participated in the act.
She is quoted as saying: "Have I ever been involved in one? No I don't think I ever have actually. No, no I haven't. But I'm definitely touching on issues that aren't childlike!"
Two things:
1. It's not so much "touching on" as "writing an entire song about." And
2. Writing an entire song about a contrived sex act with a cutesy name may not be childlike, but it's definitely something that a bored, musically-inclined 13-year-old boy would do.
The good thing is, since femalefirst.co.uk tends to get their info from an army of somewhat dubious unnamed sources (See Jessica Simpson: Cakes Kept Me Sane and Britney Spears To Dance Off Baby Weight), there's a very real possibility that the whole thing could be made up.
Either way, that song just got a whole new layer of, well, something…I don't know what, but it's so stupid now it's almost shiny.