The Wizard Of Oz gets yet another update with "sexy" stop-motion, martial arts, and monsters

It’s telling that every single time we report on a Wizard Of Oz-related story, we have to pause for a compulsive emetic purging of every single Wizard Of Oz-related project that’s supposedly in the works, because there are simply way too many of them. But instead of doing that again, let’s just accept as read that there’s a ton of Oz rehashes in the offing and throw another one on the pile so we can all get on with our day: This time it’s the stop-motion-animated Oz Wars, a “dark, slick, sexy, and dangerous” action-heavy spin from Corpse Bride co-director Mike Johnson, which takes the now all-too-familiar Oz setting, transforms it to modern times, and throws in “warrior witches, black magic, martial arts, and monsters.” Irreverence never sounded so formulaic.

Anyway, will it make it to theaters before (compulsion kicking in) Sam Raimi’s Robert Downey Jr.-starring prequel? The animated Summer Of Dorothy starring the voice of Glee’s Lea Michele? The Warner Bros. sequel maybe or maybe not starring Dakota Fanning? That Drew Barrymore-directed sequel? The Rosencrantz And Guildenstern-inspired semi-sequel where the original film is retold from the point of view of the flying monkeys? The blaxploitation homage The Avenging Disco Oz-father? The gritty Baz Luhrmann’s Romeo + Juliet-style reboot set on the mean yellow brick roads of New York where the “Emerald City” is actually Ground Zero? The pre-prequel where we find out that the world of Oz is really just an electron spinning inside a giant atom, and all that has happened before will happen again, over and over until time's collapse? Can you figure out which of these projects we totally made up? Some of these actually sound fairly plausible by now, right?