Last night, compelled by some kind of gross curiosity, I watched an episode of Last Comic Standing for the first time.
Now, I realize that saying this is akin to saying grass is green or puppies are soft, but, seriously, Last Comic Standing is really bad. Yes, it's bad in terms of a lot of the stale, bland comedy that it elevates, but it's also bad in terms of being a televised competition. The comics' sets are so heavily edited, viewers end up judging the contestants based on one joke, which is kind of like if Project Runway just showed hems to the viewers at home, instead of entire, finished dresses. Basically, watching Last Comic Standing is like watching televised failure.
That said, I still learned a lot from it, namely:
1. Last Comic Standing is responsible for Ant.
I always assumed that Ant sprung fully formed from the squishy head of VH1, like some kind of whiny, hacky Athena. But, no. Apparently his career kind of began with
Last Comic Standing, which is appropriate, since now that he's a judge for the show, it'll hopefully end there too. It's the circle of TV life.
2. What leather was to early Eddie Murphy, satin (and velvet) are to present-day Bill Bellamy.
3. Bill Bellamy evidently has some kind of medical condition that prevents him from using a normal speaking voice. Either that, or yelling! is! comedy!
4. For the has-been,
Last Comic Standing is the last stop at the end of the road.
Look, Thea Vidale is still alive! And even though she already had her own sitcom, she's auditioning for
Last Comic Standing! And she's just as unfunny and sassy as you don't remember from her eponymous 1993 sitcom Thea.
5. This is how Ant registers suprise.
With an eyeroll and a vest made out of exasperation.
6. "You can't pull edgy out of your pocket." No, not even if it's clearly a joke about how dumb the word "edgy" is.
7. Subtlety doesn't really work on
Last Comic Standing.
Shocking, I know. But, really, they didn't come all that way to hear a knock-knock joke. They came all that way to hear a housewife tell a joke a about how she hates her kids, cause that's who made it to the second round. You are wasting Ant's time!