This Week in Terrifying Hybrids 1. Ashlee Simpson + Dr. 90210 + Various Sharp Tools = A Slightly Less Equine-Looking Ashlee Simpson
The problem with getting a nosejob is that it throws your entire image of yourself off-balance. Questions begin to arise. If you can so easily change something like your nose, then is everything else about you changeable too?
For normal people, this is probably a very dangerous, albeit short road to go down. But for Ashlee Simpson, a person who has sooooo many things wrong with her, getting a nosejob is like opening a Pandora's Box of imperfections. What's up next? The chin? The fried hair? Maybe a vocal cord transplant? Removal of that piece of the brain that makes you want to
climb on counters in fast food places and yell at the staff? Honestly, I see no end in sight.
But the best part about Ashlee Simpson's new nose is that she allegedly got Dr. Raj from Dr. 90210 to do the surgery. Proving that reality TV stars always stick together in the most disgusting possible ways. 2. OJ Simpson + Ashton Kutcher + A Total Inability to Read What The Public Wants = Juiced
In his never-ending quest to terrify or disgust the general public, OJ Simpson is shopping around a show called
Juiced in which he plays pranks on unsuspecting people, a la Ashton Kutcher's Punked. (Read more here)
But as we all know, OJ is one of those rare individuals for whom imitating Ashton Kutcher is only the tip of the iceberg of despicable things he's done.
The best part is that OJ is the "punchline" in all of his pranks: OJ selling his getaway Bronco! OJ dressed up as an Elvis impersonator! OJ pretending to be homeless! Truly, nothing is funnier than when you discover that the guy running your Bingo game committed a terrible double homicide! 3. Ed McMahon + Overwhelming Depression = McMahon Perfect Russian Vodka
Yep. Johnny's sidekick/punching bag has
his own brand of vodka, and he's found an interesting way of marketing it: Depression.
Just look at the slogan: "Some things in life you can't control. The vodka you drink isn't one of those things."
Which is slightly better than saying: "You know that crushing feeling of general helplessness that envelops you like a leaden blanket? Vodka can make it go away."