This Week In Terrifying Hybrids
1. Elmo doll + children + Fresh batteries full of murder + computers programmed for eventual bloodlust = Son Of Sam Elmo
Why does the mother automatically assume that the Elmo doll is threatening her son, rather than issuing a directive for her son to follow? "Kill James!" could just as easily be, "Kill, James," but I guess she's just not ready for her toddler son to become a murderer.
Either way, the robot revolution is at hand! I told you this was going to happen. Apparently, phase one is to create an army of toddler killing machines (so to speak) through a strategic campaign of suggestion. Phase two will be the attack signal. By this time next week, that mother will be fighting off the vicious jaws of all those Elmo dolls, and coughing from all the poisonous gas released from that talking pizza's horrific mouth–provided, of course, little brain-washed James doesn't get to her first.
Now would be a good time to invest in a Roomba muzzle.
2. "Yes We Can" + buckets and buckets and buckets of irritation + Theo Huxtable + Jessica Alba = "We Are The Ones"
I'm curious: Does this inspire anyone (who isn't wil.i.am and/or a glassy-eyed Obamaniac)? If so, are you also moved by Gap ads?
For me, this video is like watching wil.i.am take hope by the reins, gently lead him behind a barn, and shoot him in his magical face (I picture hope as a beautiful, majestic centaur). Except, of course, wil.i.am already did that with "Yes We Can," so in this video he's beating a dead centaur.
Also, since when has Jessica Alba's presence helped any production? Which brings me to…
3. Austin Powers + India + Mike Myers' desire to throttle all of the laughs out of you with costume after costume = the trailer for The Love Guru.
At this point, I'm pretty sure that Mike Myers' salary for any given movie is calculated by multiplying the number of accents and hilarious hairpieces used in the film by some unknown monetary figure.
Just thinking about all the pratfalls and midget jokes in this movie makes me tired.