This Week In Terrifying Hybrids
1. West Side Story + MTV – vocal ability = the tin-eared VMA Side Story promo.
Ooh. Now do an all-Jonas-Brothers version of "Matchmaker, Matchmaker"!
When the MTV marketing people screened this promo, do you think any of them voiced a concern about how thoroughly and uniquely awful each one of the professional singers sound? Do you think there was one person with functioning ears and a functioning brain in that room who stood up to say, "Uh, this promo looks great and all, but Russell Brand is the only one in it whose voice doesn't sound like he's injecting ground glass directly into your ear drum—and he's not even a singer. Maybe we should have gone with a song that doesn't require actual vocal skill to perform? Or just have had Katy Perry straddle a giant eyeshadow applicator while an instrumental version of "I Feel Pretty" plays in the background? That's what she's good at! Anything but this. It's torture." ?
Obviously no one from MTV marketing said that because: 1. We're seeing (and hearing) this promo, and 2. Everyone in MTV marketing is too preoccupied with trying to resist the urge to hurl themselves out of windows to think about anything else.
But who knows? Maybe the suicidal MTV marketing people are right. Maybe this promo will entice thousands upon thousands of kids to tune in to this year's VMAs. Maybe kids today really love hearing Cobra Starship and other tone deaf stars slaughter Broadway showtunes. It's probably their favorite thing. But I think I can speak for Leonard Bernstein, when I say, "Hey, Katy Perry, shut up and get off my lawn."
2. Entertainment Weekly + Pepsi + CBS + A 1960's vision of what the year 2000 would be like = This Pepsi/CBS video ad
It's a video player! It's a magazine! It's an ad! It's really, really stupid! Stop: you're all right.
According to Ad Age, Pepsi/CBS's incredibly futuristic "interactive video player" will be inserted into the September 18th issue of subscription-only issues of Entertainment Weekly in New York and LA, so if you live in one of those cities hurry up and subscribe! You'll get all the hottest Twilight news, and the sense of superiority that comes with experiencing magazine advertising technology that is one step above a farting greeting card. Ever wanted to read a magazine while watching commercials for an awful Jenna Elfman sitcom? Now you can! The future is now. Also, it is terrible.
3. Shows on Bravo + Giant Ads For Bravo = These incredibly irritating half-screen commercials within the shows
Oh look, The Real Housewives are on Top Chef. Well, actually they're on top of a giant colorful box full of neon green words that's covering one of the Top Chef contestants while we're trying to watch him on Top Chef. Viewing experiences don't get much more pleasantly cross-eyed than this.
Oh, and there they are again, dancing over the show you're just trying to watch without punching your fist through the Bravo logo. Those ladies don't care who they step on. Literally!
And look. It's an ad for Top Chef that's obscuring half the screen while you're watching Top Chef. If you suddenly develop amnesia during the course of the show, all you have to do is look at that half of the screen for a refresher. Thanks, Bravo.