A guide to what we’re barely putting up with this week.
Amazon’s pilot season. Vote for things that really matter, like the Amazon comedy you want to giddily chain-watch over a lazy weekend this fall.
The incomprehensible ads for Mortdecai. Finally: A movie brave enough to ask the question, “What happens when Johnny Depp puts on a fake mustache?”
E!’s thoroughly ridiculous The Royals. Sure, Elizabeth Hurley is supposed to be the queen of England, but it’s still more believable than any given episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians.
KFC’s disconcerting $5 “fill-ups.” Hungry? Fill that cavernous hunger-hole with as much leaden pot pie and gummy mashed potatoes $5 can buy!
The Screen Actors Guild Awards: The award show where actors gush endlessly about other actors to end all award shows where actors gush endlessly about other actors.
The least thrilling movie about hackers since, well, Hackers, Blackhat. It’s a sci-fi movie about a parallel universe where hackers look like Chris Hemsworth, and close-ups of numbers are exciting.
Fifty Shades Of Grey branded blindfolds, lube, and “massage candles.” Truly, nothing is sexier than stopping by Target to buy a tube of the “official” lubricant of your favorite Twilight-fan-fic-turned-book-turned-major-motion-picture.