A guide to what we’re barely putting up with this week.
ABC’s thoroughly, enjoyably cheesy melodrama, Madoff. Finally: an old-fashioned movie of the week, in the new-fashioned way: stretched to fill as many network hours as possible.
Syfy’s teen-witch-goes-to-magic-university show, The Magicians. A show for anyone who’s ever wondered: “Can magicians have sex while levitating?” (Apparently, yes.)
Zoolander 2 for Fiat for some reason. Makes sense: Fiats are the ultimate posing machines.
The glut of kids reality shows like MasterChef Junior, Project Runway: Junior, and the upcoming So You Think You Can Dance: The Next Generation. Making kids cook food, sew clothing, and dance for our entertainment isn’t a fun reality competition, it’s a child labor issue.
Nicholas Sparks’ latest milquetoast-mance, The Choice. Two bland people go through challenges on their way to love in a small coastal town? Even Nicholas Sparks is bored of Nicholas Sparks.
The nth season of Duck Dynasty. If only camo worked, then no one would ever have to see this preachy, pandering, bearded, be-Jesus’d family.
Watching the Super Bowl “for the commercials.” Why sit through a four-hour game? If you like ads so much, just try and watch anything on Hulu. Every day can be Super Bowl Sunday!