Through early morning fog you’ll see visions of the things to be: New seasons of Childrens Hospital and NTSF: SD: SUV:: 

Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Thursday, July 25. All times are Eastern.

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Childrens Hospital/NTSF: SD: SUV:: (Adult Swim, 12/12:15 a.m.): Adult Swim’s premier live-action programs return tonight, though one of them looks a bit different. Childrens Hospital enters its “M*A*S*H* year” for season five, moving the staff to a Japanese army base because sometimes hospitals-cum-medical-show-sets in L.A. get torn down. The NTSF première gets location-specific as well, basing an episode around San Diego’s proudest civic event: Comic-Con. David Sims scrubs up while working on his Alan Alda impression, and Kevin McFarland prepares to cosplay as S.A.M.

Orange Is The New Black (Netflix, 4 p.m.): The first of this week’s episodes revolves around the inmates attempting to get their hands on some decent food—a chicken spotted from the exercise yard, to be exact. If they can also scrounge up some breading and dipping sauces, Myles McNutt will be glad to show the ladies how to prepare what he calls “Chicken McNutt-gets.”

Wilfred (FX, 10 p.m.): At last, Ryan’s putting the fact that he has a talking dog to good use, pulling a full Hanna-Barbera and forming a human-canine detective duo. If it’s not too much trouble, Rowan Kaiser would prefer if they model their methods (and costumes) after Blue Falcon and Dynomutt.

Graceland (USA, 10 p.m.): One Graceland resident confesses to a screw-up, which prompts another to do the same—and if this pattern doesn’t stop, Genevieve Valentine might not have a show to review next week.

Monty Python’s Flying Circus (11 a.m.): Live, from the BBC in 1970, it’s The Attila The Hun Show! Starring Attila The Hun, Kay Sludge as Mrs. Attila The Hun, and introducing Zack Handlen as “The Beaver.”

Gilmore Girls (1 p.m.): Well, we guess we should’ve known that Bunheads was headed to the TV graveyard this week when we saw that one of today’s Gilmore Girls episodes revolves around funeral plans. In lieu of flowers, David Sims asks that you donate to the cause of getting Bunheads released on DVD.

Friends (3 p.m.): Sonia Saraiya and Joe Reid consider “The One With The Candy Hearts,” the one-and-only Friends script credited to Bill Lawrence, the man who would one day bring you Scrubs, Cougar Town, and 13 gloriously batty episodes of Clone High.

Hell’s Kitchen (Fox, 8 p.m.): When one door to shouting at people under duress closes, another door to scowling at people under duress opens, so weep not for Gordon Ramsay as another Hell’s Kitchen season comes to an end—weep because Gordon Ramsay is screaming in your face about RAAAAAAAAAAAAAW chicken. It’s RAAAAAAAAW.

My Life As A Gangster Girl (A&E, 10 p.m.): Former female gang members recall their lives of crime—because if Intervention’s no longer around to uncomfortably straddle the line between raw (or, sorry, RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW), human storytelling and TV exploitation, something has to fill the void.

Co-Ed Nightmares (E!, 10 p.m.): In which the network gives the incoming freshman class of 2013 a reason to avoid all conversations with their mothers that begin “I was watching E! the other day”—a first for a non-Chelsea-Handler-related E! program.

Sanya’s Glam & Gold (We, 10 p.m.): At home with Olympic gold medalist Sanya Richards-Ross and Super Bowl Champion Aaron Ross, which will somehow not just be them training all the time. Because how does a medal-winning sprinter have the time or energy to engage in the typical docuseries drama?

The Deer Hunter (Flix, 8 p.m.): Tonight, on your premium-cable package, Walkin’ With Walken: Take a luxurious stroll through the filmography of a generation’s greatest character actor, beginning with the Academy Award-winning performance that secured his reputation for startlingly intense performances…

Wayne’s World 2 (Fuse, 11 p.m.): …and ending with one of the roles that allowed him to spend the last couple of decades goofing on that reputation. (Though, to be fair, Annie Hall came before The Deer Hunter, so intense goofiness has technically always been Walken’s thing.)

CFL Football: Edmonton at Montreal (ESPN2, 7:30 p.m.): Fun fact: The team that currently plays under the storied banner of the Montreal Alouettes actually started out as the Canadian Football League’s short-lived Baltimore outpost, the rare U.S.-to-Canada migration in pro sports. The Edmonton Eskimos, meanwhile, have always played Canadian football in Canada—as it should be.

MasterChef: See, Gordon Ramsay’s going to be just fine—there are still seven more MasterChef competitors to be eliminated. Phil Dyess-Nugent’s ears, however, may have suffered permanent Ramsay damage.