The Earl of Sandwich steals the show on Time Bandits

“Hello, everyone. Shushie.”

That’s how the Earl of Sandwich commands the attention of a room full of people in this episode, so I thought I’d try it out. Anyway, the Bandits have fallen upon lean times and are sitting around a campfire munching sticks (and twigs, for a treat). Hungry as they are, what could be a better destination to portal to than the 18th century estate of the Earl of Sandwich, just in time for a great big party? That’s where the Bandits head, though not on purpose (Widgit still sucks at directions) after the Supreme Being barges in on their wood-chomping. Except it’s not SB, just his three-faced head-suit with one of his two sidekicks named Jasper inside. He has shown up to warn the Bandits about SB’s Earth 2 plan to destroy all creation and begin again from scratch. Yeah, that’s pretty much all Jasper does here: deliver that one warning, then peace out for the rest of the episode. Okay, sure, now the team knows what the Jaspers know, and this will surely come back later. But for now, the Bandits’ plan remains the same: run away, from everything, all the time—that is, until Penelope is challenged to a duel and decides that it’s important for her to uphold her image of herself as brave.

In general, posturing is a theme of this episode. Everyone seems to have some vision of how they want to be seen by others—as “the actor of the group” (Alto), as the world’s greatest lover (Cassanova), as the inventor of the sandwich (the Earl of Sandwich)—but at some level, they’re all a bunch of frauds. For instance, as soon as the Bandits arrive at the Earl’s castle, they are turned away for lack of fine, fashionable clothing. However, that’s nothing a trip to the pantry and Alto’s flair for the theatrical can’t fix. Some conveniently placed doilies, a splash of flour to the face, and even a cauliflower floret behind an ear allow the gang to blend in well enough to at least gain entry to the fancy party. They faked their way in.

Speaking of Alto’s acting skills, after an especially compelling Hamlet monologue conveyed only through moving his eyebrows (“Eyebrow Shakespeare,” as it’s called), a theater proprietress makes him an offer to appear in a show the following day. He bails at curtain, however, admitting that he has never really acted before. So the actor on the team, the master of disguise, has never taken the stage? Interesting. But he sure can deliver an impassioned speech in a pinch to save a friend (specifically, Penelope from her duel).  

About that duel: You guys, the team ate the pineapple the Earl of Sandwich had rented from someone to display at his house.He didn’t even own the thing. He caught the Bandits with mouths full of fruit, and he’s in pineapple debt now. At first, he challenges young Kevin to a duel, because he not only chowed down with the others but also contested the Earl’s sandwich invention claims, saying he actually got the idea from canapés and pitas in the Mediterranean. Penelope argues, “Come on, he’s a child! Nobody’s gonna want to see that. He’d be terrible at it.” So he challenges her to the duel instead, and she refuses to run, choosing to defend her honor. This is triggering as hell for Kevin, who is still carrying his coaled parents around in his bag.He doesn’t want to lose Penelope, too.

So yeah, the Earl is a phony. (What aristocrat isn’t?) He didn’t really invent the sandwich, and he’s also bad at dueling. When the time comes for him to face off against Penelope, he shoots his gun straight up in the air, and he’s shocked that Penelope actually does try to shoot him. He explains that no one shoots to kill in polite society anymore, but he’s so offended that she had aimed for him that he challenges her to yet another duel. She ends up running, like she always does, but Fianna drops out of the sky just in time and wastes no time with formalities; when offered the gun, she just shoots him in the chest at point-blank range. The Earl collapses but reveals a secret: He had stashed a sandwich in his breast pocket to stop the bullet! Of course, it absolutely did not stop the bullet. There’s clearly a hole in that thing, and this ridiculous dude will surely die. It’s a little sad, because he was hilarious—the best part of the episode and a highlight of the whole series so far.

Rune Temte, Roger Jean Nsengiyumva, Tadhg Murphy, Charlyne Yi, and Lisa Kudrow in Time Bandits (Photo: Apple TV+)

The weakest part of the episode is Casanova’s involvement. He shows up as a guest at the Earl of Sandwich’s party, and, in keeping with the theme, he’s kind of a faker, too. He has an undeniable appeal, ladies faint left and right as he swings his locks their way, but when he becomes obsessed with Judy, who couldn’t care less about him, an important question arises. He says he’s “the world’s greatest lover,” but Judy asks, “Oh, is that like a list that someone put out or is that a list you put out yourself?” and he has no answer. The whole joke to this character is that he’s obsessed with people who do not desire him. He even hits on Fianna as she rushes after the Bandits, before she scares him off with her flashing eyes. It’s an okay bit, but not the best. It doesn’t really go anywhere.

The episode ends a little predictably, too, with the Bandits making it to a portal to head elsewhere, but it “doesn’t look right.” It’s not gold and pretty like their portals tend to be but gray and stormy looking. They’re still falling through it when the credits roll, leaving us to wonder where they’ll end up. Are they bound for Pure Evil? For SB? Or are they just going to end up in some different time period like they always do? 

Even with the parts of the episode that feeel a little tacked on and the less-funny bits, there’s enough in here to make it well worth the watch. The Earl of Sandwich’s shenanigans offered pure, unabashed silliness; Alto’s ridiculous costuming brought some laughs as more elements of their outfits were revealed through different angles; and the little mysterious hints at events yet to come left just enough intrigue to keep us curious. Now, let’s go forth and try saying “shushie” in more contexts. It could catch on! 

Stray observations

• • It took me a while to notice that each intro has little pictures pop up, key images from the episode to follow, floating around in the glowing Cat’s Cradle strings. It’s cool looking, and if parents pay attention to it more than I have been, it could be a good pre-teaching tool to show kids what to look for in each episode. I may be giving the creators too much credit here, projecting educational intentions because I’m familiar with teaching stuff from my day job. But if you’re co-watching TB with a child in your life, this could be a fun way to invite some discussion—and to make them think that you’re a killjoy nerd.
• • Saffron has been plunked down into the snowy neanderthal world now. She pretty much just lands there, sets up a little camp beneath a rock (Fianna’s rock?), and Kevin’s “family” in their animal hide rags find her. That’s all Saffron gets to do in this episode.
• • The gang keeps ending up in what is now England, because they keep trying to take Kevin back home and misjudge the time period. It’s a convenient excuse to keep going back there to see the country as it evolves, being that it is the protagonist’s country of origin, but I have really appreciated the variety in portaling locales this season.
• • Kevin releases a little doggy from a cage early on, and it comes back to bite Fianna in the legs, slowing her down just enough for them to get away. That loop was neatly closed, but some others were left open, most notably the Jasper thing and Saffron’s situation. I’m fine with Saffron’s thing remaining unresolved, but it seems like they just did nothing with the Earth 2 revelation. It doesn’t seem to be on the characters’ minds at all. It’s as if Jasper hadn’t said a word.
• • There’s also a really quick scene in the Middle Ages, where the two detectives searching for the map have found some anomalies that indicate the Bandits have been there. This scene is short but feels earned. It fits in with the themes of rebellion and questioning authority that have been a constant this season.
• • The sticks/twigs thing has been a callback multiple times. In the premiere, Kevin’s mom jokes that a gift shop at Woodhenge would probably just sell sticks, then a booth in the Medieval episode actually does sell sticks, and we have now seen the crew eat sticks a few times. Maybe there’s something to that? Or maybe the writers are just having a bit of fun.