The Time Bandits plan an Ocean’s Eleven-style heist

So that stormy-looking portal the Bandits were falling through last episode was kind of a fake-out. Nothing unusual happened, they just didn’t like the experience that much. They said it was “like a nightmare,” but then they simply dropped down into some other historical place and time like they always do. Judy did get lost in the portal, though (snatched up by the Supreme Being, it turns out). Now she’s trimming shrubs in SB’s palace. But the rest of the team is in Northern Africa in 1324 CE at the hajj of Mansa Musa, King of Mali, still thought to have been the richest man to have ever lived. 

Kevin references his book for that little detail, the one simply titled Historical Figures. He hadn’t busted out that one from his bag yet, at least not that I could recall. While he’s nerding out, the Bandits hatch a little Ocean’s Eleven style heist to steal the Mansa’s gold, complete with a planning sequence, and everyone has a role.(Alto is playing a soldier, but desperately wants to play a camel.) The whole thing pretty much hinges on Kevin blabbity-blabbing away about history until everyone falls asleep so that Penelope can swoop in and swipe the king’s treasure. 

Yeah, it doesn’t go so smoothly. They’re caught right away, but Mansa Musa is such a nice guy—and so easily flattered by Kevin telling him how rich he is—that he just gives the Bandits bars of gold and lets them tag along until they’re ready to leave. He doesn’t even really take them prisoner. He just revels in Kevin’s storytelling skills, which he appreciates more than anyone ever has. He’s even beguiled by the kid filling him in on the drama of the modern-day British monarchy. “I really hope things work out for Harry and Meghan,” says the mansa. Kevin is killing it. For once in his life he isn’t boring people, and he feels as though he has found his purpose.

There’s an emphasis on purpose here, particularly on distinguishing purpose from ability. For instance, the wise mansa informs Kevin, “Telling stories is what you do; your purpose is to save your parents,” and the latter does not come easily to him. It’s even harder when you consider that he has to leave this environment where he has found happiness and a father figure he adores to continue to work toward this goal. The implication is that one’s purpose is something that involves some toil.It must be earned. And because things have become difficult all around, there is a crisis of faith for just about every main character. 

Penelope is absolutely rocked by her failure to steal from Mansa Musa and the fact that she, as leader, seems to keep losing Bandits. Though the gang is given gold as a gift, it brings her no joy, because she didn’t steal it. That’s key for her. Kevin eventually attempts to arrange for Penelope to steal Mansa Musa’s staff, with the king’s full knowledge and participation, and that does make her feel cared for. It’s a warm and fuzzy moment, and it’s nice to see. However, it isn’t until she has stolen rubies from the sultan, when he and the mansa meet and are busy fussing over who should kneel first, that she truly feels like herself again. Thievin’ and leadin’: That’s when Penelope is at her best, and neither of those come easily to her.

Roger Jean Nsengiyumva in Time Bandits (Photo: Apple TV+)

Meanwhile, pretty much this whole episode, Widgit is off having an existential crisis in the desert with only the map to comfort him. (He even uses it as a blankie.) While he’s out there by himself, he figures out how to properly use the map, realizing that temporal distances are encoded in the sky(?) and that the map and the stars have to be used together to be able to navigate correctly(?). Isn’t it fun how in movies or television, all you really need to do to convince the audience that a character’s epiphany carries any weight is have them announce their revelation emphatically, with absolute confidence? Because, to my mind, this makes no goddamn sense, but Widgit sure gets excited about it, so it must be true. He has weathered his dark night of the soul to find his purpose as well.

There’s a little side story about one of the mansa’s attendants revealing to Biddelig that he has a crush on the queen, making him realize that he deeply cares for a missing friend. (It’s Widgit, though we’re left to wonder for a while whether it could be Judy.) Though it’s not the most compelling subplot, a few good lines come from it. The queen declines the bath the attendant has prepared for her, because she would rather take one in Cairo—”there are so many soaps!”—and she rebuffs his gesture of affection as well, saying, “No chance ever. Obviously. But that is very sweet.” 

This episode in general is very sweet, really. Things are getting a little more warm-hearted around here in Bandits country, but it’s fortunately not too over-the-top saccharine—yet. Let’s hope it stays that way. So far, the jokes keep coming, and that’s the most important thing in a show like this. It’s still aligned with its purpose.

Stray observations

• • Cassandra said that Kevin was going to tell stories to kings, and she was right! 
• • Kevin references his Historical Figures book in this episode, and there’s a reason for that. Following their time with Mansa Musa, he rereads the section on his hajj and sees that the book now reads that it included 6,005 people, proof that they changed something that had already happened. This is a bit silly, though, right? There were exactly 6,000 folks there at the hajj before the Time Bandits’ arrival—no more no less? Yeah right. 
• • Speaking of things that could change history, Penelope’s rubies fell out of Biddelig’s “bottomless bag.” It would suck if that started a war or something.
• • Tyrell Williams wrote this episode. He’s British, primarily a playwright, and co-created the viral web series #HoodDocumentary. I’m excited to see what he does next, because this episode was solidly funny.
• • Biddelig’s antics throughout this series really make me think of Little John in Robin Hood: Men In Tights. I was obsessed with that movie as a kid. It was my Historical Figures book.
• • It seems like they’re setting up Mansa Musa to be the Agamemnon analogue in this series. In the Time Bandits film, King Agamemnon, played by Sean Connery, acts as a fatherly stand-in, and once Kevin has returned to his own timeline, a firefighter who looks exactly like the ancient king happens upon the scene to extinguish a fire at the Haddock household. I wonder if they’ll do something like that here.
• • Everyone in the hajj thinks people from England are so gross. “I’ve heard in England that you boil your beef and eat it with no spice.” They also worry about his hygiene and ask him if he bathes.
• • Let’s not forget Fianna is still on the hunt. She saw Kevin’s arrow in the sand, to help Judy find them should she portal through later. It was clear Fianna would find it the second he drew it. Nobody’s surprised.
• • Also, Kevin portals out of Mali a bit later than the others. Let’s see if he ends up somewhere different.