Today in depressing adaptation news: George Lopez to voice big-screen Speedy Gonzales

Time has not been kind to Speedy Gonzales, the lightning-fast crude Mexican-American stereotype and his lazy, slow-witted best pal Slowpoke Rodriguez. But it turns out newfangled notions of "cultural sensitivity" and "basic decency" aren't enough to keep movie studios from callously exploiting a well-known cultural icon.

The Hollywood Reporter is reporting that New Line is planning to revive the spirited mouse for a feature film. America's Mexican himself, George Lopez will voice the rascally rodent. In an all too telling quote from the Reporter article, George's wife Ann, who will produce the film along with her husband, quipped, "We wanted to make sure that it was not the Speedy of the 1950s — the racist Speedy. Speedy's going to be a misunderstood boy who comes from a family that works in a very meticulous setting, and he's a little too fast for what they do. He makes a mess of that. So he has to go out in the world to find what he's good at."

If the film proves successful, expect newfangled, less offensive takes on Frito Bandito, Uncle Remus and The Eternal Jew to follow. We remain, ah, fuck it, this can't be good.