Today in news you already sort-of knew: Emma Stone will be in the next Spider-Man, but not as who you think

As was rumored a while back, Emma Stone will indeed be joining the next Spider-Man, but it seems we’ve all been played for fools. Fools! Stone will actually be playing Gwen Stacy, Peter Parker’s ill-fated second love interest (both chronologically and in terms of fan appreciation), rather than the more familiar Mary Jane Watson. Of course, Gwen Stacy is blonde—and so is Emma Stone, technically speaking, but in this time of crisis, she fulfills the crucial Hollywood capacity of “fiery redhead,” and although we’re sure she’ll acquit herself admirably, this would seem to be a waste of Stone’s self-evidently Mary Jane Watson-esque appearance. It’s sort of like making a film about a Mexican biker gang, then casting Danny Trejo as their lawyer.

Anyway, Stone’s casting—especially over other, blonder actresses who were said to also be testing for the Gwen role, like Mia Wasikowska—suggests that those earlier reports that Mary Jane wouldn’t be in the next Spider-Man at all were probably correct, and that this whole time we’ve been unwitting pawns in their little game of Three-card Monte misdirection. Let’s get ‘em!