Today in “Oh God what is even happening here”: Wrestler Zack Ryder’s “Hoeski” music video

Considering Zack Ryder is a professional wrestler by trade, it’s safe to assume that his new song, “Hoeski,” is meant to be at least somewhat tongue-in-cheek. Safe to assume, because doing otherwise might cause you to spiral into an abyss of confusion and despair over the undying trend of celebrity “musicians” releasing “songs” that sound like they were recorded inside a Crockpot and contain couplets like “Roses are red, violets are blue / you may have left me, but I still woo-woo-woo.” Wikipedia says “woo woo woo” and “broski” are both Ryder catchphrases—hey, cool catchphrases, guy—which makes this basically a poorly conceived (or is it geniusly conceived?) commercial for the Ryder brand, rather than a simple cautionary tale about morally loose women of Eastern European descent. (You shut your mouth.) Either way, it must be seen to be believed, and good luck getting that tanned smirk and monotone “woo-woo-woo” out of your head today.