Tom Cruise Obtained A Baby

Last night, Tom Cruise obtained a baby. Katie Holmes was also somehow involved.

They named the baby "Suri," which means "red rose" in Persian and "princess" in Hebrew, but depending on your accent, and "operating level," you could say "Suri" several different ways.

Here's a handy pronunciation guide:

If you're from the Northeast, you'll probably say it "Su-ri", as in Surry, or Slurry

But if you're from the South, you'll probably say it "Sur-i", as in surai, or Dubai

And, of course, if you're Tom Cruise, you'll probably just use the Scientology pronunciation, "Xenu"