Tom Cruise closes Olympics the only way he knows how (by jumping off a building)

Tom Cruise begins his journey of carrying the Olympic torch to Los Angeles on motorcycle

By Matt Schimkowitz  |  August 11, 2024 | 6:47pm
Photo by Fabrizio Bensch (Pool/Getty Images)
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Tom Cruise closes Olympics the only way he knows how (by jumping off a building)
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In what will almost certainly be used as footage for whatever they end up calling the next Mission: Impossible (smart money’s on Dead Reckoning Part 3), Tom Crusie officially ended the 2024 Paris Olympics with his much-anticipated Closing Ceremony stunt. Ignoring pleas from nearby mothers telling him to “get down from there this instant,” Cruise jumped off the fucking roof of Stade de France at today’s Closing Ceremony. In the words of NBC’s Olympic correspondent Mike Tirico: “America, let’s go!”

In the broadcast, just after H.E.R. finished performing her rendition of the “Star-Spangled Banner,” the Olympic flag was passed to L.A. Mayor Karen Bass and gold medalist Simone Biles. Then, up in the rafters, America’s loneliest stuntman prepares for his moment. See:

 

Cruise swooped down on a rope and took the flag from Mayor Bass, hopped on his motorcycle, and began his drive across the Atlantic to Los Angeles for the 2028 Games. A lot of people believe Cruise can’t make the journey because there are no gas stations on the ocean floor. To that, we say, some didn’t believe a 62-year-old could jump off the top of the stadium either.

Of course, Cruise’s high-profile stunt overshadowed the legitimately awe-inspiring meeting between Golden Voyager and Nike, the goddess of victory. But Cruise’s showmanship is being used as a handoff. Leaving behind the confused amateur art critics who very clearly know what The Last Supper is and are positive the Greek god Dionysus is part of it, the Olympics turns its five heads toward Los Angeles, home of the 2028 Games and the action cinema of Tom Cruise and Christopher McQuarrie. With Cruise and his big stunt, there will be no subtext for Rob Schneider to willfully misread for the purposes of Twitter virality and the supporting of the weirdest guys America has to offer.

Alas, Cruise’s ultimate dream of cruising from this mortal plane to that of the Golden Voyager remains just out of reach. No worry, he still has a whole Mission: Impossible movie to finish.

 
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