Transformers: Age Of Extinction trailer argues for deregulation of alien robots

Like so many in the heartland, Mark Wahlberg is just a humble, hardworking father trying to make a better life for his family in between jacking up his pectorals, trying to hold on to a little piece of his American flag-bedecked dream. But his presumably Bob Seger-scored world is soon rocked by the federal government, who, just like talk radio warned us, arrives to take away his alien robot, and thus his means for self-sufficiency. Will Wahlberg—and by proxy, the rest of us small-town folk with enormous robots—stand for these intrusive socialist policies regarding the regulation of Autobots?

Not if his “Don’t Mess With Texas” attitude that Wahlberg actually, literally references in this trailer has any say in the matter—or the arrival of a wave of angry Dinobots bringing the universe’s wrath down on Chicago again. Give Obama a day of watching his hometown be destroyed by robot dinosaurs, and you bet your ass he’ll be calling for a Constitutional amendment guaranteeing the right to bear robots. (As in “to harbor” robots, not robots who are bears; save that for the next movie.)