TV Dating To Get Even Dumber

By Amelie Gillette | December 9, 2009 | 10:20pm

TV Features TV

In the long history of TV dating shows, love has been ferried to the lovelorn contestant in many ways: via smarmy host with comical name (Chuck Woolery on Love Connection, Roger Lodge on Blind Date), via bus (Elimidate, Next), via impetigo-laden tour bus (Rock Of Love: Tour Bus), via screaming mob and a pre-anti-vaccination-activism Jenny McCarthy (Singled Out), via the dark (Dating In The Dark). But so far, bachelors have not been paraded past a panel of bachelorettes via a giant moving conveyor belt, mostly because what?

When you see the words "Conveyor Belt Of Love" all close together like that in a row, what image pops up in your mind? A lackluster SNL dating show parody, maybe? One of those airport terminal people mover things that has somehow turned sentient…and amorous? The flash of white that generally precedes one of your rage attacks? A totally fun, fresh take on the TV dating show format?

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Just kidding about that last one. No one thinks that. Except ABC.

(video via THR)

Here's how it works: If a woman is interested in one of the men, she can pull him off of the conveyor belt and go out on a date with him. The men who are not chosen stay on the conveyor belt, which eventually delivers them behind a curtain where a producer will hit them on the head with a sledgehammer, knocking the men out. The conveyor belt then ferries the unconscious bad bachelors to a giant shredder where the men will be ground up, processed, and repackaged as new, hopefully more appealing bachelors. In other words: Fun.

Obviously, there's a reason why "Everything is better with a conveyor belt!" isn't a more popular saying, or even a thing that people say at all.

This is what happens when you buy TV shows from production companies that sound like off-brand liquid antacid.