Like an amnesiac housewife learning to love all over again, Lifetime has clearly found its raison d’être ever since stealing Project Runway from Bravo; now it’s planning to channel that newly sparked passion into two Runway spin-offs that will in no way cheapen the already-hollowed-out original. First up: An as-yet-untitled buddy comedy starring ascot enthusiast Austin Scarlett (season one) and Santino Rice, the season two contestant best known for his one-man show, “Tim Gunn And Andre At The Red Lobster.” The two will try to outré each other as they crisscross the country, making women feel bad about their dowdy wardrobes.
Following that, Runway host-bot Heidi Klum will star in a show that finally (finally!) pairs her with her husband, pop singer Seal, which is tentatively titled Love’s Divine. The perpetually grinning lovebirds will also travel around this great nation of ours, coaching troubled couples and teaching them that there’s no problem that can’t be solved by simply churning out baby after baby after baby like they’re building some kind of fucking army or something.