Universal considers ditching undead dicks, casting female monster for Mummy reboot

Utilizing the same logic seen at yandy.com’s annual pitch meeting, the brain trust behind Universal’s new Monster Cinematic Universe was apparently working late at the office one night, empty take-out containers littering the room under a white board with the words “MUMMY + ?? = $$” written on it.

“We can’t do just another mummy movie, not after Brendan Fraser’s definitive take on the subject,” one executive sighed, putting her forehead on the table in defeat. Silence followed. “What about Game Of Thrones?,” someone finally asked. “People love Game Of Thrones.” “We already did that with the Dracula movie,” another voice chimed in.

“Uh, The Walking Dead? Mummies walk, and they’re dead.”

“Too confusing.”

Then one executive slowly stood up, walked over to the board, and uncapped a marker with an audible “pop.” The tension was palpable as he erased part of the equation with his sleeve, wrote something, and then stepped back. Of course!

“MUMMY + FEMALE = $$”

Of course, director Alex Kurtzman and writer Jon Spaihts can’t put all of their box-office eggs into one potentially ovulating basket, so the team has reportedly prepared two story options for the upcoming reboot: One with a female mummy with “a unique backstory,” and one with a male mummy with a backstory of indeterminate uniqueness. The ultimate outcome will depend on the result of auditions, a sort of Battle Of The Sexes of shambling, desiccated corpses that is set to occur within the next couple of months.

The Mummy reboot will hit theaters on March 24, 2017. The “sexy,” as always, is implied.

[via The Hollywood Reporter]