"Wear A Mask" arrives, claiming the honor of world's second-best "Be Our Guest" parody

We’re about eight months into the coronavirus pandemic and, improbably, people are still arguing about whether or not they should wear a mask. In order to help counter suggestions that putting a piece of fabric over your mug while in public is somehow dangerous, un-American, or whatever other bullshit excuses are being made today, YouTuber Noah Lindquist has turned Beauty And The Beast’s “Be Our Guest” into a musical plea not to be a disease-spreading wiener.

“Wear A Mask!” is pretty much exactly what you’d think it is based on the title. Lumière and his dishware pals dance around Belle’s singing about how easy it is to follow a simple public safety guideline. “Wear a mask, wear a mask, is this really much to ask?” the theatrical candlestick asks. “Come on and read some data, all you mask debaters, wear a mask!” (We transcribe this line because, without looking at the subtitles on the video, Lumière totally sounds like he sings “all you masturbators.”) The grand finale implores listeners to give a shit about other people, says masks aren’t oppression, and, for good measure, offers a reminder to wash your hands, too.

As good a job as Lindquist has done here, we should note that even the finest “Be Our Guest” parody will, for the foreseeable future, pale in comparison to Mr. Burns’ celebration of skinning and wearing animals.

Though it lacks imagery as powerful as gorilla chest vests and grizzly bear underwear, we still applaud “Wear A Mask!” anyway, for turning common sense public health advice into a catchy tune. As it turns out, Beauty And The Beast is a rich vein of pandemic commentary if you only know to look for it.

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