On the same day that one of America’s other short-lived political attention grabbers made his last, desperate gasp for relevance—hey, Ken—the voting public has just been introduced to a brand new and powerful player in the 2020 election: The fly that spent a long time hanging out on Vice President Mike Pence’s head during the vice-presidential debate tonight, soaking up attention, national laughter, and the rich scent of hairspray, shit, and Mother’s Special Ointment that we can only assume blankets Pence’s scalp like a warm and homophobic fog.
Given that the rest of the debate was mostly characterized by Pence rambling on past his time on pretty much every question, and America furiously Googling “ugly pink eye—COVID symptom?” on their phones, the fly quickly became a welcome distraction during tonight’s debate, a living symbol of the rot at the heart of so many of the institutions Pence holds so dear. (Also, it opened up the possibility that Pence’s head-fly might meet Rudy Giuliani’s dead hand, and can you say “Meet cute,” huh?!)
Because this is the internet, it has taken people roughly 7 seconds to create Twitter accounts for the fly; we’re trying to keep track of them all, but so far there are 10 and counting, and only likely to be more as the fly’s profile continues to rise. Meanwhile, we can’t take our eyes off the original video, marveling at the steely reserve, moral fortitude, and thickly shellacked follicles it takes to have a big-ass fly crawl around on your skull for more than a minute without ever noticing that it’s there.
Oh god, we just had a terrible thought: What if the fly was a female? God knows Mother wouldn’t approve…
Update, 10:16 p.m.: Meanwhile, the Biden campaign—which has heard about humor, but never actually seen it—is doing its best to capitalize on this sudden burst of rotted whimsy.
Remember to make your voting plan ASAP. And while you’re at it, fill out your census form.