I’m sorry, everybody, but it’s time to face the truth. None of us, no matter how hard we try—and especially if we’re trying really hard—can ever dream of being even close to as cool as David Bowie. I ask you: How many people have existed in this world cool enough to have their wardrobes turned into traveling museum exhibitions? Who was not only present, but at the forefront, of every trend in rock music, from the psychedelic ’60s through the industrial ’90s and beyond? Who, despite being a trendsetter, knew better than to attempt his own out-of-touch attempt at a hip-hop record, but who made music with hooks good enough that they’ve become popular hip-hop sample material? Who was sexy and stylish enough to be a movie star, but knew himself well enough to channel his own feline charisma into all of his screen characters? Who’s been name-checked in songs by Parliament, the Clash, Kraftwerk, Nina Hagen, Built To Spill, Brian Jonestown Massacre, They Might Be Giants, and Flight Of The Concords—to name just a few? Who lived for years on a diet of milk, red peppers, and cocaine, and had a 4-foot-deep fur-lined bed in his living room he called “the pit” where he and Mick Jagger used to throw orgies? David fucking Bowie, that’s who. And you better not forget it. [Katie Rife]