What is a GCB, anyway?

Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Sunday, March 4. All times are Eastern.

TOP PICK

GCB (ABC, 10 p.m.): In case you couldn’t tell from The A.V. Club’s recent, retina-searing, hot-pink makeover, ABC (which, judging by its midseason-replacement slate of GCB and Don’t Trust The B— In Apartment 23, currently stands for “A ‘Bitch’ Concealed”) debuts its most obvious stab at replacing the soon-to-be-departed Desperate Housewives tonight. No longer Good Christian Bitches or the too-straightforward-to-be-read-ironically Good Christian Belles, GCB comes to TV with a thoroughly bitchy pedigree (it was created by Steel Magnolias writer Robert Harling; Sex And The City creator Darren Star is a producer) and leads (including Leslie Bibb, Kristin Chenoweth, and Annie Potts) poised to stab each other to death using their eyes alone. Is it your new guilty pleasure, or is this Texas caviar laced with turds? We sent Brandon Nowalk down to the Lone Star State to find out.

Once Upon A Time (ABC, 8 p.m.): “Grumpy is smitten with a clumsy fairy” says the episode description—as well as the first sentence of a slash-fiction novella we hope never to read. The sheer mechanics of such an coupling boggle Oliver Sava’s mind.

The Amazing Race (CBS, 8 p.m.): If you have any vital factoids regarding the South American nation of Paraguay, we could certainly use them, as could the contestants on The Amazing Race. At the very least, Scott Von Doviak knows the country is known as “the heart of America.”

The Simpsons (Fox, 8 p.m.): Bart becomes the newest darling of the street-art world, a development which obviously necessitates a cameo from Shepard Fairey, among other past darlings of the street-art world. We can neither confirm nor deny an appearance by Banksy, nor rumors that Hayden Childs is Banksy’s true identity.

The Walking Dead (AMC, 9 p.m.): Shane and Rick find themselves agreeing on something, a scenario that’s downright unfathomable. What’s next: Dogs and cats getting along? An Acme product that doesn’t explode in Wile E. Coyote’s face? Owls not wearing graduation caps? Zack Handlen suggests we stop filtering our worldview through Looney Tunes.

The Good Wife (CBS, 9 p.m.): Alicia comes to the aid of a documentary filmmaker, the type of Good Wife plot that’s particularly Good Wife-y. David Sims suggests you tune in next week, when the cast enlists its services in an NPR pledge drive.

Family Guy (Fox 9 p.m.): There’s good, old fashioned insurance fraud a-cookin’ on Family Guy, which should lead to at least one cutaway that hinges on film-noir tropes. Kevin McFarland really wants to hear Mort Goldman narrate a scene like a hard-boiled PI.

Luck (HBO, 9 p.m.): Tonight’s proceedings involve earthquakes and “higher authorities”—sounds like David Milch is raising the metaphysical ante. Todd VanDerWerff remains on board, so long as one of the gamblers doesn’t suddenly begin all his dialogue with the words “My father.”

Shameless (Showtime, 9 p.m.): In an episode titled“Parenthood,” the Gallaghers go the distance toward proving that they’re not quite the Bravermans. Of course, if Parenthood wants to survive for another season, Joshua Alston thinks it wouldn’t hurt for Bonnie Bedelia to start cooking meth.

American Dad (Fox, 9:30 p.m.): Roger’s newest profession involves curating a memorial to Stan’s days as a high-school wrestler. That’s one item on Rowan Kaiser’s “Potential jobs for Roger” list he never thought he’d get to cross off.

Eastbound & Down (HBO, 10 p.m.): Ike Barinholtz arrives in Myrtle Beach as a Russian pitching phenom whose temper is twice is hot as Kenny’s—and whose hairdo is 10 times as heinous. Nathan Rabin knows of a Supercuts that Barinholtz should check out.

House Of Lies (Showtime, 10 p.m.): If you want House Of Lies to be more than a series of attempts at putting Kristen Bell in lesbian love scenes… well, here’s another episode you might want to skip. If you’d rather spend your Sunday night watching Veronica Mars reruns, Rowan Kaiser can hook you up with some DVDs.

Life’s Too Short (HBO, 10:30 p.m.): Warwick is accused of hogging all the good roles being offered to Dwarves For Hire. Erik Adams knows he’s not—if that was the case, Warwick would be making the moves on a magical creature on ABC tonight, wouldn’t he?

Californication (Showtime, 10:30 p.m.): Anyone who’s ever had to read a friend’s screenplay can sympathize with the pickle Hank finds himself in tonight. We can only assume that Kenny Herzog hasn’t gotten back to us about our treatment for a gritty reboot of Electra Woman And Dyna Girl because he’s too busy showing it to his showbiz connections.

Doctor Who (11 a.m.): Christopher Bahn pilots the TV Club Classic TARDIS back to the First Doctor era, arriving at the final serial of Doctor Who’s second season, “The Time Meddler.” The Doctor finds him self tangling with an adversary known simply as “The Monk”—here’s hoping he’s more of the garage-rocking type of Monk, and less of the “poverty, chastity, and obedience” type.

The Critic (3 p.m.): Bidding adieu to the show’s run as misbegotten clean-up batter for Home Improvement, Nathan Rabin also bids adieu to the short period where Al Jean and Mike Reiss’ animated showbiz satire seemingly ran off the fumes of its initial inspiration. Nonetheless, Eleanor Sherman’s detour into children’s publishing is still good for a bounty of laughs.

Napoleon Dynamite (Fox, 8:30 p.m.): Napoleon Dynamite comes to the end of its first season tonight, though this is less notable for the Future Farmers of America hijinks Napoleon and Pedro get up to, and more notable for the fact that the returning Bob’s Burgers airs in this slot next week. Finally, we’ll be able to hear H. Jon Benjamin’s voice in a primetime cartoon again!

Stevie TV (VH1, 9 p.m.): YouTube sensation Stevie Ryan comes to TV, bringing her large collection of wigs and celebrity impressions with her. Ryan McGee stepped up to challenge of determining whether or not Ryan would be better off sticking to web videos—and not just because his first name is also her last name.

Breakout Kings (A&E, 9 p.m.): Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and with Leverage on hiatus, Phil Dyess-Nugent jumped at the chance to review another cable show involving a special task force working with and around the law to take out the bad guys. Will the presence of Domenick “Herc from The Wire” Lombardozzi make up for the Timothy Hutton-shaped hole in Phil’s heart?

The Kandi Factory (Bravo, 10 p.m.): The Real Housewives Of Atlanta’s Kandi Burruss works her magic on wannabe pop stars in this new Bravo series, which receives a trial run on the network tonight. If she can make Kim Zolciak sound like this, there’s obviously no limit to Burruss’ powers.

Kill Bill: Volum 1 and Kill Bill: Volume 2 (Spike, 8 p.m.): There are better ways to watch Quentin Tarantino’s epic meditation on revenge and motherhood—ways where skeevy male nurse Buck is allowed to utter the name of his customized truck. But it’s nice that Spike is showing both “volumes” of the Kill Bill saga end to end—even if those ends will end up less bloody than do on DVD.

Charly (TCM, 8 p.m.): The TV Guide summary of this Flowers For Algernon adaptation is hilariously evasive: “Cliff Robertson won an Oscar for this love story about a mentally challenged man with a desire to educate himself.” Never mind that his education is aided by an experimental surgical procedure that raises keen questions about the value of intelligence! Charlie just wants to learn and love!

NHL Hockey: Flyers at Capitals (NBC Sports, 7 p.m.): Entering the final full month of the NHL season, the Caps are a point behind the Jets in the race for the last playoff spot in the Eastern Conference. Every game counts, so they’re looking to claw their way back into contention against a Flyers, who are coming off a decisive win against the New York Islanders.

Cowboy Bebop (Saturday): Simon Abrams ended his journey Cowboy Bebop with a look at the Bebop crew’s lone feature-length adventure. The film suffers from bloating, but it functions as a fitting send-off for Spike et al.