From the start, Netflix’s goal was to become a standalone studio. In its early years—after Blockbuster turned down multiple opportunities to buy the company, one of the more spectacular self-owns of the internet age—Netflix was a DVD-by-mail rental service. At that time, its selection was impressive, and DVDs would usually arrive within a day or two. It was pretty cool.
Now that it’s a $176 billion streaming behemoth, however, most of Netflix’s resources are being channeled into producing original content. As a result, less money is available to build up a catalog of repertory titles. And that makes putting together a list like this challenging, since I haven’t seen any of the original movies Netflix has coming up on any given month, and therefore can’t say with confidence which are the “best” among them.
But I work with what I am given, so here are 10 movies coming to Netflix in March 2022.
A Nightmare On Elm Street (2010)
A Nightmare On Elm Street (Available March 1)When I was putting together this list, A.A. Dowd objected to the inclusion of the 2010 A Nightmare On Elm Street remake, saying it was “.” I told him that it must be very cold all alone up there on that hill. I’m going to miss bantering with Dowd.
Battleship (2012)
Battleship (Available March 1)Remember that period in the late ’00s and early ’10s when a whole bunch of blockbuster movies based on toys were coming out? All I remember about this one is that Rihanna was in it.
Despicable Me 2 (Available March 1)“Disney adults” get a lot of bad press. But adults obsessed with the Despicable Me movies are even weirder, in my opinion. I guess the Minions are funny? Call me an ivory tower elite if you must.
Freddy Vs. Jason (2003)
Freddy Vs. Jason (Available March 1)This movie has aged very poorly. But as long as I’m indulging in some nostalgia for the good old days of DVD, I should mention that the Freddy Vs. Jason disc came with “Jump To A Death,” “Kill All,” and “Random Death” options on the menu. And that “” font in the trailer embedded above? Classic.
Free Willy 4: Escape From Pirate’s Cove (Leaving March 31)We didn’t even review this one on The A.V. Club, but can you believe they made four fucking Free Willy movies? Part four went direct to video, which makes it mildly interesting in a “how the sausage gets made” type of way that it’s streaming at all. Often, when a movie is inexplicably unavailable in a certain format, it’s because the producers of said film didn’t account for future technologies when negotiating and parceling out the rights. This is something I learned , and just one example of the type of knowledge that will make me completely useless in the post-apocalypse.
King Of Thieves (2018)
King Of Thieves (Available March 1) This one didn’t ring any bells when I first saw it on the list. But then I looked it up and found that not only had I seen this movie, . That happens sometimes when you’ve been reviewing one or more films a week for seven years—the other day, I was cleaning out my desk at the office and found ticket stubs for several titles I forgot existed. Anyway, I gave King Of Thieves a D, calling it “an embarrassing misstep for its stars, its director, and its writer.”
Lee Daniels’ The Butler (2013)
Lee Daniels’ The Butler (Available March 17)Whenever the subject of my impending departure from The A.V. Club comes up in conversation, the first thing people do is ask if I’m going to stay in the media business. Any sane person would run in the opposite direction, given the low pay, unstable job prospects, and clueless executives who chase algorithms at the expense of journalistic standards. But I’m going to be honest with you, person who clicked through to slide No. 7: I have been doing this for so long, I have no idea what else to do with myself. (The second thing people do is complain that we have too many slideshows on A.V. Club nowadays.)
London Has Fallen (2016)
London Has Fallen (Available March 1)This movie’s a piece of shit, but it’s an enjoyable piece of shit. Back in the early days of the COVID-19 pandemic, comparing this godawful sequel’s predecessor, Olympus Has Fallen, to White House Down. It was an audio version of the Premise Dome, an idea everyone on the staff thought was great but never really had time to develop to its full potential.
Texas Chainsaw 3D (2013)
Texas Chainsaw 3D (Available March 1)I give Dowd shit for being a Nightmare reboot apologist, but I have to admit that I enjoyed this late-period Texas Chainsaw sequel more than I initially let on. When Alexandra Daddario throws Leatherface a chainsaw and says, “Do your thing, cuz?” Now that’s entertainment!
