What's better? A $28 bottle of champagne or a hazmat suit-wearing trophy presenter in your backyard?

Who said the dystopia wouldn’t also be hilarious? Last night’s Emmy Awards was by and large a virtual affair, with the nominees streaming live from their towering, marble-encrusted estates. Unable to stroll onstage to collect their statues, they were presented a different kind of pageantry when their categories came around.

If you’re Samantha Bee or John Oliver, you were gifted a “mystery box” that contained within it either an Emmy or a bottle of champagne. See Oliver, winner of Outstanding Variety Talk Series, collect his award below.

And see Bee, a loser, claw open what she calls “a little coffin” to discover what turns out to be a $28 bottle of champagne. (We’ll just consider this payback for that time she tried to rehabilitate Glenn Beck.)

And if you’re Ramy Youssef, creator and star of Hulu’s excellent Ramy, an intern in a morbid hazmat tuxedo stands outside your house holding an Emmy and, when you don’t win, just walks away, waving. Big Gulps, huh? Alright.

We have so many questions. At what point did this person stroll through the bushes and onto Youssef’s property? Were they just waiting in a car out front, sweat pooling in that disgusting garment, so they could then stand outside his window for a few minutes before walking away? Was there any conversation between the two? Was it like that scene in Fargo when they waddled towards his window?

Congrats to the winners and all, but nobody will remember who won what in a few years. Instead, we’ll replay Youssef’s video, laugh into our now-mandated respirators, and marvel at just how deeply the coronavirus broke Hollywood in 2020.