The Internet is truly a wondrous place: full of endless news feeds, unending entertainment, and constant reminders of what your child's reaction to the news that you don't have life insurance would be if he found out.
And then there's that one corner of the Internet where Jermaine Dupri yells "Leave Barack Obama Alone!!" and various car and driving metaphors at you over and over again:
Let President-Elect Obama Stay in His Own Lane
Gay, black, brown, young, old, white, female, Democrat, Republican – everybody wants to create some traffic, cut him off and force him into their own lane. The feminists are pissed 'cause he didn't appoint more women to his cabinet. (Even though five of the top positions were given to women.) Some members of the civil rights old guard are back with, "Why aren't there more black people up there?" These are the same dudes who were mad he didn't turn his convention speech into a history lesson on Martin Luther King. If Obama had listened to them, he never would've gotten elected in the first place.
Who's next in line to bitch? Will cat lovers complain that the first family is only talking about adopting a dog and discriminating against felines? Will left-handed jugglers be upset that they're not represented? Why not appoint a few little people to the Cabinet while he's at it?
And now gay rights groups are mad because the pastor who's doing the inauguration doesn't support gay marriage.
For real???…Why can't Obama have his moment however he wants it and with whoever the hell he chooses? I don't give a fuck if Big Foot swears him in. Y'all should let the man have his day.
Well, at least now we have the answer to the question "Who's next in line to bitch?" (Hint: It's Jermaine Dupri.) Growing up in New Orleans, my parents often took us to a place called Fun Factory that was neither a factory nor a lot of fun. The main floor of Fun Factory had obstacle courses, and a giant ball pit, and tall slides, and various things kids could climb on. But upstairs was the "science" level of Fun Factory, the main attraction of which was a "hurricane room"–a small room that was supposed to simulate the conditions of a Level 1 hurricane, minus the rain. Basically it was a dark room with a giant wind machine, illuminated at times by "lightning" (aka a strobe light). Reading Jermaine Dupri's column is a lot like standing in that room: it's blustery, loud, and ultimately makes you feel ridiculous.
So why is Dupri so passionate about telling everyone to give Obama's car the right of way and not run him off the road or set up traffic cones or whatever? Because, see, Obama's metaphorical car is a lot like Dupri's:
And Obama got us there HIS way. He created a political campaign like no other. People said what he did couldn't be done, but he kept on going. He didn't change lanes, he just kept it moving in the direction he knew was right.
I made a career out of finding my own lane, and helping artists do the same for themselves. From Kris Kross to Usher to Bow Wow, they became successes when they discovered their own unique style. Musically, our biggest hits came from listening to what everybody else was doin', then steering a lil' to the left or the right and creating our own movement. And the few times I didn't follow my own path; when I paid too much attention to my label bosses, or let anyone else override my best instincts, it jus' didn't work.
Exactly. Obama is the Jermaine Dupri of politics, which I think makes Michelle Obama Janet Jackson, and Joe Biden Kris Kross. Please everyone, for Jermaine Dupri's sake, don't tailgate Obama while he's driving on the interstate of democracy. There's construction in the right hand lane for the next 500 feet.